PDL.html

PURPOSE DRIVEN LIFE

When I read Rick Warren's Purpose Driven Life, I formed a mail list for discussion. The mail list wasn't a rousing success as mail lists go, but I was able to write my reflections on the book.
Click on the number below of the chapter you'd like to read discussion about.

**40 DAYS OF PURPOSE**
1	2	3	4	5	6	7	8
9	10	11	12	13	14	15	16
17	18	19	20	21	22	23	24
25	26	27	28	29	30	31	32
33	34	35	36	37	38	39	40

On Monday, January 26, 2004, at 11:20 PM, C Brady wrote:

POWER ar ar ar ar ar!!!!

I have a web domain and can create mail lists.

A mail list is a way to have online discussion on a topic. When you write in to a mail list, everyone who is on the list can see your message. So it would be possible for you to see others' thoughts on the day's 40 days of purpose reading and to post your own thoughts. Of course you're not required to read or respond to the list mail on any given day.

People can be added to the list or taken off the list at any time. Just send me email and I'll get you on or off in the next 24 hours.

I put you on the mail list because I have your address. If this is not your cup of tea I'll be happy to take you off... just let me know.

When you post a thought, it might be helpful if you put the day number in the header. (see this header for an example) To post a thought to everyone on the list, just reply to this message, or send a new message to:
fortydaysofpurpose@usefulstringband.com

Your sister in Christ,
Cathy Brady
http://www.usefulstringband.com
"No animals were injured in the production of this program" - Eddie

Subject: day minus 5: synchronize your churches!

A friend of mine in New Holland PA has joined the list because her church is starting 40 days of purpose this coming Sunday. She'll be telling others in her church about the list.

Cathy B.

From: C Brady <usefulstringband@earthlink.net>
Date: Wed Jan 28, 2004 7:27:56 AM US/Eastern
To: fortydaysofpurpose@usefulstringband.com
Subject: day minus 4 - If you can see this, you're part of the list

tweaking and testing....

From: C Brady <usefulstringband@earthlink.net>
Date: Fri Jan 30, 2004 8:59:04 AM US/Eastern
To: fortydaysofpurpose@usefulstringband.com
Subject: day minus 2 - How will I do my daily reading?

In a few days I'll be trying to read a whole chapter a day .... consistently. I've got a pretty good routine of reading daily devotionals started last year. And I have a little stack of books that I try to get to each morning. And I like the NACR email devotional too. One more book added to the stack. Should I take another book _out_ of the stack for this 40 days? I'll see how it goes.

It's a challenge to be trying to stay (literally!) on the same page as others. With the Beth Moore courses she gave us a few days leeway ... and I often used that leeway!

well, we're almost on our way!
CB

From: Joyis1NChrst@aol.com
Date: Fri Jan 30, 2004 12:59:30 PM US/Eastern
To: usefulstringband@earthlink.net
Subject: Re: day minus 2 - How will I do my daily reading?

Hi, Joy here. Well my plan is that I returned to the routine that worked for almost 2 years by getting up this morning and having devotions first thing. I read Day 25 today and wrote about it. I called the friend with whom I began this study and asked her if she'd like to pick up where we left off (around Day 12 or so I think) and I would either read her what I previously wrote, or write anew. Then I will write here. Sometimes I may copy what I wrote previously on that day but more likely I will do a whole new meditation for my growth and devotion. This is kind of exciting to me, that I will be doing PDL on 3 levels at once and be able to see where God has taken me and is taking me at once. It has been a painful and bumpy ride the past several months and I have yet to learn all the lessons from it, writing should help. Day 25 was about getting into God's word and that is a big help too. When I went in the hospital in November I took my Bible with me but it never made it back to my bedside in all this time so my nightly reading of Scripture had gone by the by. I put it back today and look forward to touching in w Him before I go to sleep tonight. My little girls are delighted.
Blessings,
Joy
PS is responding to your email like this going to post to everyone?

From: C Brady <usefulstringband@earthlink.net>
Date: Sat Jan 31, 2004 4:29:06 PM US/Eastern
To: Woody Crouse <WoodyATIBC@cs.com>, fortydaysofpurpose@usefulstringband.com
Subject: day minus 1 - the sign ... I forgot

My back is out of whack yet again, but I did manage to get to language/citizenship class (attendance 12 ... 4 languages). I did however forget to post the sign about the 40 days of purpose email list. We could put something in next week's bulletin? Or folks can call me on the phone to tell me their address.

I'm probably going to miss Woody's opening sermon. Let me know how it goes folks?

If anybody reading this knows of someone else who wants to be on the list, just have them send me email to say so.

Enjoy the soup-er bowl,
Cathy
----------------------------------------------------
From: C Brady <usefulstringband@earthlink.net>
Date: Sun Feb 1, 2004 8:11:39 AM US/Eastern
To: fortydaysofpurpose@usefulstringband.com
Subject: Day 1 - question to consider

In spite of all the advertising around me, how can I remind myself that life is about living for God, not myself?

The Bible!
Once some people visited the home of a friend when I was there. They talked about the Bible. When I visited their church during the next week, one of them gave me a small NIV New Testament with the Psalms in the back. I was having a year of upheaval. I found reading the Psalms to be very comforting. I was particularly drawn to Psalm 50 and 118. Later I became a Christian.

Then a Sunday School teacher gave me a big Zondervan study Bible. (I've since passed it on to my "daughter in Christ".) It came complete with underlines and highlights... it was a well-studied study Bible. I had so much fun drifting through it. I had a Christian friend who would answer any question I came up with on the phone. She would drop everything and take out her concordances and dictionaries.

I remember when I noticed how the story of Moses and the first passover was so analogous to the story of the Lamb of God. I almost thought I had made an original discovery! I wondered how I had "missed it" for so many years. So I came to believe two more things .... that no human, no human committee, no years of human effort or collaboration could have come up with a book that is thousands of years old and contains so many consistencies and parallels and speaks so well to me today. Second, that the Holy Spirit is the light for the best Bible reading.

So the Bible and the Holy Spirit are my best reminders. I also memorized this prayer a year ago and say it every day:
"God, I offer myself to Thee, to do with me and build with me as Thou wilt. Relieve me of the bondage of self that I may better to Thy will. Take away my difficulties that victory over them will testify to those I would help of Thy power, Thy love and Thy way of life. May I do Thy will always." It's called the third step prayer and comes from the Alcoholics Anonymous "Big Book".

You are all in my prayers, fellow sojourners!
Cathy

From: "Janis L. McLaughlin/James D. Greaves" <jimjan@glwb.net>
Date: Sun Feb 1, 2004 9:02:08 AM US/Eastern
To: <fortydaysofpurpose@usefulstringband.com>
Subject:

I am missing something.
I thought this was using A Purpose Driven Life.

What chapter number?

Janis

From: Joyis1NChrst@aol.com
Date: Sun Feb 1, 2004 4:30:36 PM US/Eastern
To: fortydaysofpurpose@usefulstringband.com
Subject: Day 1 PDL

Dear God, Today I can remind myself that I began this journey with Day 1 47 days ago and am only on Day 25. Thank you that it is not about me for in terms of timeliness I seem to have failed. I know that you ordained that this book should be studied by me. First, the Christian Recovery Group I belonged to started it and then those who had not started it the first time began a new study of the same. But I did not do it then. Then when my life was falling apart and the tumble seemed long to the bottom, you put me with my friend and she who struggles to even know if she is your follower--she had bought this book and the journal and was telling me that she had been praying for God to show her what was the purpose of living. I was excited and asked her where she got the book. With only minutes left until the store closed and me with a broken foot and unable to run off with her, she went and not only made it to the store but got the very last copy of the journal they had! I know that was your intervention. We did not even know that the journal suggests that one do this study with a partner but you put us together! Then when we lagged and my sins came between us and my body began to mend so I went home, she stopped doing the book altogether and began a long tumble to her bottom. She asked me if she could join this loop and I thought it was closed but asked on her behalf and lo and behold it was open!!
To me this shows that for me, it is all about you and the amazing thing is that for you, it is all about us! Your love for us is incredible! You care about the littlest details of our lives...my life...and you ask me to stop living for me and live for you. Jesus, you lived a perfect sinless life in my place because you knew I couldn't and that goes for all of us on earth, you kept the law we could not keep. You directed all of your being toward us and all you ask is that we direct all of our being toward you.
Today I went to church and was reminded of your love for us. The sermon was on the call of Jeremiah and pastor reminded us that we are all called to share your love and salvation with everyone around us. He said that Jeremiah complained that he was too young and reminded us of how often we tell You we can't do it...we aren't good enough, smart enough, rich enough, popular enough, educated enough...we haven't read the Bible enough, prayed enough, done enough good works, don't have enough faith, have kids or spouse that need our attention too much, have to many demands from work...and on and on. But God, you told Jeremiah to not be afraid that You would put Your word in Jeremiah's mouth. So I was reminded that I don't have to do this alone and reminded myself of the book Experiencing God where Henry Blackaby said that we are called to God-sized tasks and if we were only doing what was possible for us, we would get the glory but if we allow You, God, to use us for Your work and to do the impossible, You will get the glory!!!
And that is what it is all about...Your glory!!!
Amen, Love, Joy

From: "Julia E. Marcos Foxwell" <jfoxwellmsw@yahoo.com>
Date: Sun Feb 1, 2004 6:08:03 PM US/Eastern
To: fortydaysofpurpose@usefulstringband.com
Subject: Day One

Hi everybody!
This is D day! I pray that Cathy will soon be back on her feet!!! I have started the study and I covet your prayers for the Spanish group, which I am supposed to lead. Any information or suggestions are welcomed. Tonight,. we are having some soup and fellowship at my house, but the group is small.

If I consider today's devotion, it's not about my leadership, but GOD's and he will use me to get his work done. I will read your messages eagerly.
In His evrelasting love, Julia

From: Cookiemonster Eeyore <cookiem246@yahoo.com>
Date: Fri Feb 6, 2004 9:28:52 AM US/Eastern
To: fortydaysofpurpose@usefulstringband.com
Subject: PDL - Day 1

Good Morning God,

I am so glad to have you with me this morning. I know that you are always there for me. I have seen you wait for me with your arms wide open to welcome me home. You have always been there. Somedays I get so wrapped up in all the things in life that I forget you are the one who brought this life to me to enjoy not to trudge through.

The world today offers so many things that can take my attention away from you and all that you have given me and will give me. A I look back over my life, I see your hands at work daily. My hopes and dreams for my future were there - you knew them even before I did.

Growing up with the life I had and not knowing a relationship with you did not stop you from taking care of me. I have a wonderful husband, who is loving, caring, a provider and a good father to the two angels you sent to us. The gifts you gave me through the years are what keep me tied to you. For I know that left to my own devices (my own will, self centeredness), I would truly be in a horrible life and maybe even gone.

You continue to help me through the difficulties of my life and my body. With out this love and support I am sure I would be a very lonely person cause I would be tearing all my relationships apart, blaming others and making myself the center of attention. Oh Lord, you are the center and when I remember that and practice that, all things come together and life is grand. Just as you plan.

This life is not about me and what I want --- it is about what you have planned for me. It is the life you have envisoned for me and you are patiently, lovingly waiting for me to see you and not focus on me.

Thanks be to God,

Faith, aka Eeyore from PA

----------------------------------------------------

From: C Brady <usefulstringband@earthlink.net>
Date: Mon Feb 2, 2004 6:45:56 AM US/Eastern
To: fortydaysofpurpose@usefulstringband.com
Subject: Day 2 - hemmed in

I know that God uniquely created me. What areas of my personality, background and physical appearance am I struggling to accept?

All the parts that aren't Kathryn Hepburn!

I don't expect a lot of people to rush to answer this on-line honestly.

And I'd rather talk about something different. The idea of time.

I reconcile the conflict of free-will vs election, fate and destiny what-have-you by thinking that the real world (of God and the heavenlies as well as the created world and us and all the spaces between electrons ) is not constrained by time. Sometimes I think I have prayed for something and then found that it happened years ago and don't think my prayers were wasted. Sometimes I pray and am assured that something in the future is accomplished already.

I can't accurately recount my past and I definitely can't remember my future. For the past week I've been meditating on psalm 139 and the phrase I love is
4 Before a word is on my tongue
you know it completely, O LORD .
5 You hem me in - behind and before;
you have laid your hand upon me.
6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too lofty for me to attain.

I think my sense of time is how God has hemmed "me in - behind and before." He brings my attention to the here and now, but I can take comfort that my past and future is in His hands.

That's it for today!
Cathy
website dujour: http://www.sermonindex.net

From: Cookiemonster Eeyore <cookiem246@yahoo.com>
Date: Mon Feb 2, 2004 9:05:37 AM US/Eastern
To: fortydaysofpurpose@usefulstringband.com
Subject: Have not forgotten - PDL

Hi, I have not forgotten about this wonderful loop study of Purpose Driven Life. I will be working through the first two chapters tonight and tomorrow.

In the past few weeks I have come to know the power God has in my life and the lives of my family. My daughter struggled in a horrible housing situation at college. She was frustrated and thought God was not answering her prayers to help her. Well, he was listening and he did work things out beautifully. She has returned to being the bubbly, happy, smiling young lady full of life and ready to live life to the fullest, as she always has. God does answer prayers, He is in control of our life. It is all for him. He may not always answer when and how we want but He knows what we need and when we need it. God provides.

Thanks,

Cookie, aka Eeyore

From: Joyis1NChrst@aol.com
Date: Mon Feb 2, 2004 12:12:57 PM US/Eastern
To: fortydaysofpurpose@usefulstringband.com
Subject: Day 2

Warning I am very explicit so don't read if you are easily offended! I will star down so you don't accidentally read it if you are not wanting to do so.
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
It is very hard to accept the weight gain right now--it doesn't seem possible to think that God had a hand in this because I did this to myself. Of course if I consider Eating Disorder as a disease then I also know it is not my fault. How do I take responsibility and yet not take shame and blame? Oh, yes, of course--Jesus took the blame and bars!/Ã shame!
It is hard to accept that I have the secondary effects of Poly-Cystic Ovarian Disease (so hard to accept that I can't even write what it is here in the open). It is hard to accept my scars from self-injury, my stretch marks, my thinning hair, that my arms have wings, my belly is a skirt and my thighs look like crepe drapery when my weight is off. It is hard to accept the grooves by my mouth, the turkey gobbler throat and the wrinkles in my forehead. It is hard to accept my one bulging eye and my crooked nose. One of the pluses of the weight gain has been many of those things have diminished and there are a few parts of me that I like better plump! Hah! But all of these things are because something is wrong or not right or sick or injured--NOT because God made it to be that way.
I find it hard to accept that my father raped me or was cruel to me or beat me or especially is still cruel to me and tries to be sexual even now when he is an old man and I am on my way to being an old lady. I find it hard to accept that my mother was so vicious and could still be the beautiful lady. I find it hard to accept that I came from such a profane family. I feel like it means I am profane, wicked, evil, and that no matter how much I profess to love God, I will be found out to be lying someday.
I find it hard to accept that my IQ is dropping as I age and that my neck and arms and knees always hurt and probably always will. I find it hard to accept that I was in danger for my life so often.--Could all of this be from God? Could it be part of His original plan or perfect plan for me?
I find this all hard to accept a lot of the time but today I accept it because His grace is sufficient for me.
Thanks for listening,
Joy

From: ImmanuelSBYMD@cs.com
Date: Tue Feb 3, 2004 1:56:11 PM US/Eastern
To: usefulstringband@earthlink.net
Subject: Re: Day 2 - hemmed in

Cathy, you said: "Sometimes I think I have prayed for something and then found that it happened years ago and don't think my prayers were wasted. Sometimes I pray and am assured that something in the future is accomplished already."

Years ago I read an illustration in one of C. S. Lewis' books that addressed this. He talked about a person standing at a mail box with a letter in their hand and praying, "LORD, I pray this is not bad news." Did the LORD hear that prayer even thought is was written after the fact? His response was 'yes.' He went on to point out that God is not affected by or bound by time. He is outside time. All that occurs in time is viewed simultaneously by Him. He used the analogy of a cone and pointed out that the tip of the cone maintains a continuous contact with each point on opening of the cone. He then compared that to God at the tip of the cone and time as the opening of the cone. As a consequence, there is no such thing as a too late prayer.

All of that is in the 'for what it is worth department.'

From: C Brady <usefulstringband@earthlink.net>
Date: Tue Feb 3, 2004 3:39:13 PM US/Eastern
To: ImmanuelSBYMD@cs.com
Cc: fortydaysofpurpose@usefulstringband.com
Subject: Re: Day 2 - hemmed in

Trust an Englishman to use a mathematical/geometrical explanation. I love it!
CB

ps - I hope you don't mind that I sent this to the list.

From: Cookiemonster Eeyore <cookiem246@yahoo.com>
Date: Wed Feb 11, 2004 7:05:57 AM US/Eastern
To: fortydaysofpurpose@usefulstringband.com
Subject: Purpose Driven Life - Day 2

The chapter today asks -- I know that God uniquely created me. What areas of my personality, background and physical appearance am I struggling to accept?

Dear God,

I struggle daily with a few things, actually more than few, all of which affects how I view myself in the mirror and in my mind.

I struggle with my weight, my "super" expectations - whether it be super mom, super wife, super worker, super servant to God, or whatever other title I carry. I have always pushed myself to be more and then in my eyes I have failed to be cause I raise the bar of expectations so that I never reach them. Now is that fair?!?! You, God know my limitations and are patient in trying to show me that I am human, that I cant be perfect and that is aok with you.

For years, I suffered with depression. You showed me through 4 years of counseling and the wisdom of doctors that I dont have to live this way anymore. I still have days that the depression gets to me but not nearly like it did. Thanks for the doctors and counselor.

While attending the counseling sessions and revealing all the pain I stored within, I wondered why you would bring me into such a world. A world where I was abused, emotionally and physically. I have come to see that a world that is centered on you is not as awful as the one I experienced as a child. I did not know you then and relied on others and myself to get through. I no longer have to do that and it is wonderful to rely on you and your love for me.

Each day brings a new experience with you and as long as I choose to focus on your will for me then I can accept what life brings and not fear. You already know what lies ahead for me - so I need not worry. Life is good with you!

I may not know know what my actual purpose is today. I do know you are comfort, accepting, loving, forgiving and willing to take me into your arms and eventually take me home to you and your son.

Amen

----------------------------------------------------

Date: Mon Feb 2, 2004 8:50:58 PM US/Eastern
To: fortydaysofpurpose@usefulstringband.com
Subject: Day 3 - I had to ask my family

What would my family and friends say is the driving force of my life?
What do I want it to be?

Well, I was stumped. I don't think of myself as a goal oriented person, so I can't see what's driving me to where I'm not headed. On the other hand, I'm not a listless person and I seem to have some passions in my life. So I called my son and daughter-in-law and asked them straight out. Here's what they said:
keeping an open mind, looking for how to improve things, education, seeking quality
I rather like what they said.

My DIL recommended this website:
www.franklincovey.com
... which is kinda funny in light of what it says on page 19.

What is coming to mind at this moment is a commercial jingle
"I'd like to teach the world to sing, in perfect harmony....."

That's it for today!
Love yall,
Cathy

From: Joyis1NChrst@aol.com
Date: Tue Feb 3, 2004 12:28:09 PM US/Eastern
To: fortydaysofpurpose@usefulstringband.com
Subject: PDL question

Is anybody else doing this study? I only get my post and Cathy's post. I am not much of a mind to pour my heart into this is people are just going to read and not post themselves. I thought there were 100 people doing this and I was concerned that I wouldn't be able to read them all but I am not getting anything. Am I supposed to get other's posts or am I supposed to go to some website to read them? I will await an answer before I post today's PDL Day 3 response.
Thanks,
Joy

Date: Tue Feb 3, 2004 1:19:37 PM US/Eastern
To: Joyis1NChrst@aol.com
Cc: fortydaysofpurpose@usefulstringband.com
Subject: Re: PDL question

Folks who are on this list are not used to posting on loops and it may take them a while to get the hang of it. There are 18 on the list. A few have said they only plan to "lurk".

There's no need to pour your heart into it. It was originally made as an available tool for those who are participating in our church-wide 40 days of purpose but open to others who might like to tag along. There's another church in PA that I know of that is doing the study on the same schedule.

I like to use it as a way of daily reflection and hope that others might like to as well.

You are writing to the list in the correct way, and these are not being archived on-line.

From: Joyis1NChrst@aol.com
Date: Tue Feb 3, 2004 1:48:31 PM US/Eastern
To: usefulstringband@earthlink.net
Subject: Re: PDL question

Thank you for your response.
You say that there is no need for me to pour my heart into this....well, this is supposed to be a life changing study according to the intro to the book. To me that means I NEED to pour my heart into it. The Big Book says that it is by rigorous honesty that we find recovery. For me to write a light thought for the day would not to be doing service to myself or the study and I think wouldn't be the best for sharing with a group of other people. I NEED to dig deep into my life, heart and soul and I NEED the fellowship of the saints to do it. I know that it is not about me, but about Him, so I am not sure where all this needing comes in. I was planning to use this for my morning meditation and prayer time so it would be THE place where I would come in the mornings and spend time with God in the presence of the brethren. I was doing a study on my own for the past 2 years but God seems to have redirected me to this study which is already less intense and deep in some ways than what I was doing. I feel like I need a place where I can be honest and open and willing to listen. If we are all sinners saved by grace and if we are the priesthood of all believers then shouldn't any body of believers be able to talk frankly about their sins and minister to each other? I guess all this consternation comes from my anxiety about yesterday's post. I wondered about sending it but decided to trust and hit Send. I suddenly feel very exposed and on the one hand want to expose myself more and on the other hand want to stop entirely. There is no point in my posting if I am going to blow some minds of some nice little old church ladies--I don't want to offend anyone. There is also no point in my posting if I am going to just be writing to myself either; I could easily just write in my computer journal for that. Your feedback on this is welcome.
Thanks,
Joy

Date: Wed Feb 4, 2004 1:27:06 AM US/Eastern
To: fortydaysofpurpose@usefulstringband.com
Subject: PDL-Day 3

47 days ago I wrote this in response to Day 3:

     "I am afraid that there are 2 driving forces in my life: fear and resentment. I would hope that passion for Jesus and His people would drive me more.
     Unfortunately I have child alters (not unfortunately that I HAVE you, dear ones.) who are stuck in time still fearing for their lives and safety. I also have alters (including the one who is my fallen nature) who are stuck in time with unresolved anger. Guilt too though since all have come to know Christ now, that is mostly gone.
      Does that mean that if we were to integrate we would no longer be driven by fear and anger?
      I pray that the fear of God would be our only fear and anger at injustice, sin and the devil my only anger. I pray that my only guilt would be immediate guilt for actual sin that I would resolve by doing immediate 10th steps."

(10th step is a reference to the 10th of the 12 steps of recovery that Alcoholics Anonymous gleaned from a Christian revival movement know as the Oxford Movement)

Today I can say that integration is moving amazingly along and already the one alter stuck in fear and shame the most has been freed. I am so amazed and grateful to God. What miracles He just keeps doing for me! I cannot understand why He is so good to me until I reflect that He is pure Love, He is all Love, He is where all Love comes from.
Most of my friends, aquaintences and family tell me that they know the main driving force in my life is Jesus. I am gratified for that. My therapist and sponsor however constantly remind me that I am still self-centered and not God-centered. I want so much to be centered and directed by Him and through Him and to Him.
God, please take the center stage in my life. Move me off the throne. This internal gathering of selves can be soooo much more self-centered than anything that we thank you so much Jesus for coming to the grassy hillside to play with us. Guide me, direct me, DRIVE me!!

----------------------------------------------------

From: C Brady <usefulstringband@earthlink.net>
Date: Wed Feb 4, 2004 6:27:43 AM US/Eastern
To: fortydaysofpurpose@usefulstringband.com
Subject: Day 4 - looking forward

Since I was made to last forever what is the one thing I should stop doing and the one thing I should start doing today?

Funny you should ask.... I have been reflecting about the drive to get attention. Toddlers are without guile. They grab your face and say "look at me". My clients are transparent in their efforts to get attention. They become embroiled in little dramas, they brag about every momentary success, they fabricate fantastic stories, they interrupt, they yell, they flatter. I found myself feeling critical of that behavior and then I saw it in myself. I'm just smoother at it.

So today I'm going to check my behavior and begin to let go of the strictly attention getting stuff. I'm going to do what I can to demonstrate that all glory belongs to God.

I read a nice discussion about heaven recently. It sure seems to go with today's reading.
http://www.renovare.org/readings_perspective_current.htm
I have copied it below.

GROWING EDGES

Dear Friends,

ìTime and eternity.î In April we thought together about time and in July about that aspect of eternity we call hell. Now, on to Heaven. And am I glad. It is the topic I have been really wanting to work on from the beginning for heaven is, I believe, the heartís deepest longing! First, let me remind you of our touchstone concept: ìWe are unceasing spiritual beings with an eternal destiny in Godís great universe.î

The Absolute Realities

Some day in some obscure magazine you will read that I have died. But, of course, nothing will be further from the truth. At that moment I will be more alive than ever. To be sure, my physical body that is so much a part of who I am right now will dieóit will have served its purpose. But my spirit will live on . . . forever. This is the reality of who I am as an unceasing spiritual being. This is what is true about me. You too. Ten thousand years from now we will continue living. You better get accustomed to the fact that you cannot cease to exist. So, deal with it. And plan for it. Letís get beyond our petty one-year . . . five-year . . . ten-year plan for life and start working on our ten-thousand-year plan!

God and life in the kingdom of God are the absolute realities that we can bank on. Really. Nothing in our universe is more real, more absolute, more certain. The resurrection of Jesus from the dead is the signpost of our future. And the indwelling and empowering Holy Spirit is ìthe earnest of our inheritanceî to use the phrase of St. Paul (Eph. 1:14). We have the down payment now of the life that is coming in its fullness in heaven. And even here on earth heaven has its outposts, preeminently in the presence of the living Christ in the Eucharist.

Life in the kingdom of God then begins here, now, and continues in completed form in the age to come. Hence, what we call death is, for the disciple of Jesus, merely a minor transition from this life to greater LIFE. John the Beloved writes, ìAnd this is eternal life, that they may know you, the only true God, and Jesus Christ whom you have sentî (John 17:3). Eternal life is knowing by experience the triune God, and so eternal life begins here, now. We can know God right where we are and enter into life in the kingdom of God. Here. Now. Through Jesus.

Training for Reigning

What we are engaged in here and now is a disciplined training for reigning. A time is coming when we will see his face and his name will be written on our foreheads, ìAnd there will be no more night; they need no light of lamp or sun, for the Lord God will be their light, and they will reign forever and everî (Rev. 22:4-5 italics added). With Christ as our sovereign head we will one day be reigning ìforever and ever.î Now, ìforever and everî is a long time. Donít you think a little training is in order for such reigning? Iím afraid that as the situation now stands I just might make a real mess of things if I were put in charge of even a very small kingdom! So you and I are now training for reigning, learning from our ever-living Teacher Jesus how this reigning business is done properly. This reigning, you see, is our destiny.

I hope you immediately recognize what a stark contrast this vision of heaven is to the other major world-view contenders. For Hinduism our destiny is to merge ourselves with the One, as a drop of water would be absorbed into the ocean. For Buddhism our destiny is to extinguish desire as you might blow out the flame of a candle. For Atheism our destiny is death; we arise out of the cosmic slime, go around once, and then die which is the end of it all. In contrast, for disciples of Jesus our destiny is reigning in the new heaven and the new earth . . . reigning in such a way that there is an ever deepening extension of individual, personal relationship of love with God and others. Forever.

The Resurrection Body

Now, this stress upon our individuality and personhood is important. We will not be unrecognizable, disembodied spirits. Nor will we go through an endless series of reincarnations which obliterate our personhood. No, there will be a personal and individual continuation of ourselves after death. This is the incarnational reality of the resurrection body. Our wise teacher Paul puts it this way: ìThere are both heavenly bodies and earthly bodies, but the glory of the heavenly is one thing, and that of the earthly is another . . . . So it is with the resurrection of the dead. What is sown is perishable, what is raised is imperishable. It is sown in dishonor, it is raised in glory. It is sown in weakness, it is raised in power. It is sown a physical body, it is raised a spiritual body. If there is a physical body, there is also a spiritual bodyî (1 Cor. 15: 39-44).

This resurrection body will be recognizable and consistent with who we are here and now, just as Jesusís resurrection body was recognizable and consistent with who he was in the flesh. Listen to Paul once again: ìwe will all be changed, in a moment, in the twinkling of an eye, at the last trumpet. For the trumpet will sound, and the dead will be raised imperishable, and we will be changed. For this perishable body must put on imperishability, and this mortal body puts on immortality, then the saying that is written will be fulfilled: ëDeath has been swallowed up in victoryíî (2 Cor. 15:51-54).

Heaven Proper

As to heaven proper my tendency is to defer to the wise biblical observation, ìno eye has seen, nor ear heard, nor the human heart conceived, what God has prepared for those who love himî (1 Cor. 2:9, Isa. 64:4). Personally, I am content to leave it at that. However, since many would like more I will make a few educated guesses.

ó Heaven will be brimming full of interesting people and landscape and creatures of many kinds.

ó Learning and working and developing all manner of skills will be part of the joy of heaven.

ó ìBoringî will be the domain and experience of hell, not heaven.

ó ìFellowshipî and ìcommunityî will be experienced realities in heaven which will take on multi-dimensional meanings and ever richer complexity.

ó We will learn to receive and give love in ways unimaginable to us right now. As Jonathan Edwards put it, ìThey shall see every thing in God that gratifies love. They shall see in him all that love desires. . . . God will make ineffable manifestations of his love to them. They shall see as much love in God towards them as they desire; they neither will nor can crave any more.î

ó The ìbeatific visionî will be both wonderfully approachable and all-consuming. To borrow the words of Carol Zaleski commenting on Danteís vision of paradise; ìwhat we have . . . is a complex trinitarian dance of lights, a luminous and effervescent assembly, rather than a single searing radiance.î

See you in heaven!

Peace and joy,

Richard J. Foster

I'm looking forward to that new body thing!
love,
Cathy

From: Joyis1NChrst@aol.com
Date: Wed Feb 4, 2004 1:00:58 PM US/Eastern
To: fortydaysofpurpose@usefulstringband.com
Subject: PDL Day 4

As was 47 days ago, I began by feeling stumped by this question. The obvious answer is that I should quit sinning and start doing all things unto the Lord. And then I am overwhelmed at the magnitude of this concept for I sin in all that I do. I am a sinner and as long as I live in this body of flesh, I will not do anything that is not tainted with sin. Even the most selfless acts have an ulterior motive even if it is just to gain pleasure for myself by being selfless.
Maybe that though is the root of what I need to stop doing. I need to stop thinking that there is no ability to do anything without sin. God designed us for pleasure is a lesson further on in this study. For me to have joy and delight is God's delight. When I live to please Him, I will have great pleasure and when I have true pleasure it will be for Him. This includes physical and emotional pleasures! If doing unto others as I would have them do unto me brings me pleasure why should I automatically think that it is tainted by sin just because I enjoy it? It is as if I think my pleasure is sinful! When in fact, God gave me all my senses and my capacity for pleasure, happiness, peace, serenity, joy, comfort, rest, ease, relaxation, ecstasy, bliss, hope, love, cheerfulness, contentment...I could go on and on.
So, today I will focus on the joy of the Lord and the delight in the Lord and His delight in me. I love the song, I can only imagine. What pleasure to think on the possibilities of eternity with Him.

I can only imagine
what life will be
when your face
is before me.
I can only imagine.

Will I dance for you Jesus?
Or in awe of you be still?
Will I stand in your presence?
Or to my knees will I fall?
Will I sing hallelujah?
Will I be able to speak at all?
I can only imagine.

I wrote out the lyrics from memory so I might have them in incorrect order. My apologies to the author. With pleasure in Him, Joy
----------------------------------------------------
From: C Brady <usefulstringband@earthlink.net>
Date: Thu Feb 5, 2004 6:14:13 AM US/Eastern
To: fortydaysofpurpose@usefulstringband.com
Subject: Day 5 - literacy as a talent

First a song that came to mind from Kathy Mattea:

You've got to sing like you don't need the money
Love, like you'll never get hurt
Dance, dance, dance, like nobody's watchin
It's gotta come from the heart if you want it to work.

Now that that's out of my system, let's get to today's questions.

1.What has happened to me lately that I now realize was a test from God?
2.What are the greatest matters God has entrusted to me?

1. RW says problems are tests? I think I am tested by family issues... family members having problems with each other and I can't "make them" behave differently. I am tested by pain and mobility limitations ... what can I be doing to help myself, what do I simply accept? I see terrible things happening to people ... what is my part in this? Am I doing what I can to alleviate suffering?

2. What are the greatest matters God has entrusted to me? By American standards I'm not wealthy, but by the standards of the world majority I am immensely wealthy and fortunate. Am I using more than my share? This is the question of the long hot shower. I look at the food I eat, how it comes from all around the world, the amazing variety, the energy used to preserve and transport it .... mindless eating is for me a sin.
Even by American standards I am wealthy in education and literacy. These are things that I can share ... and my own literacy DOES increase as I do so!! Wow. I hadn't looked at it that way before.

Have a wonderful day, Sisters and Brothers, hermanos y hermanas, in Christ
Cathy

----------------------------------------------------

From: Joyis1NChrst@aol.com
Date: Thu Feb 5, 2004 12:01:45 PM US/Eastern
To: fortydaysofpurpose@usefulstringband.com
Subject: PDL-Day 5

I am so enjoying reading what I wrote 47 days ago and seeing what miracles God has brought about in that short time. It did not seem like a short time as I went through it and I am sure that those whom God has put in my life as support were somewhat worn too with the repeated lapses and emotional rollercoaster of my life.
I realize even more strongly that I do much better with trials than I do with trusts. God help me learn more from you. I almost prayed against the temptation to give up and give in to failure but I have already long ago learned to pray for what I really want and/or need and not against the fears or obsessions. So God, teach me how to care for what you entrust to me.
I wasn't quite sure what the difference between a test and a trust were so I reread the chapter. Test = something taken away: peace of mind, financial security, sense of identity, shelter, relationships. These are the very things that alcoholics and other of us addicts would write in the 3rd column of that searching and fearless moral inventory that you ask us to take...the things that were effected when someone else let us down--including you, Lord!!
Trust = something I am given to care for or solve or deal with. Money, property, prestige, intelligence, wisdom, faith, relationships, sanity, hope. These could be taken away to test my faith or given to test my faithfulness.
Today's tests: lack of sleep, lack of time, lack of finances
Today's trusts: cheap oil, lube, filter; early morning phone call, this time to write and pray, Christian compulsive eaters meeting, husband being home.
Thanks God, love you, Joy

From: "Janis L. McLaughlin/James D. Greaves" <jimjan@glwb.net>
Date: Fri Feb 6, 2004 7:55:04 AM US/Eastern
To: <Joyis1NChrst@aol.com>, <fortydaysofpurpose@usefulstringband.com>
Subject: General comment

Belief in Jesus and following him is the only true way. And, by the way, I know the truth and I know if you are doing it right. If you donít do it right, you go to hell.

OK, now letís get on with discussing life and God.

When something has as a premise a core concept that I believe to be fundamentally in error, then everything else that proceeds from it is suspect.

The God of my understanding does not condemn people to everlasting hell.

The ìhellî is right here on earth when we live apart from God. When we go home to Him, I believe he says, ìWelcome. What took you so long? I am sorry you spent so much time in fear and pain. See what you missed?î

Absolute love does not condemn. Love forgives all things. That is why it is so difficult for us humans to understand it. We keep score, so God must be the great scorekeeper.

It is not up to any earthly person to say, ìOK, you did it right according to my understanding of scripture, so you are saved and you are saved in the right way.î This is especially convenient since on one can dispute anyone who says, ìI know the truth.î

These people are dangerous. They are one step away from Jim Jones and cups of Kool-Aid.

Oh, but they have the power of love and God on their side. Really? Who says?

The movement into vast churches where people are told what to do and how to believe sincerely disturbs me. I think this is especially harmful for many women. I know of one situation in particular where a husband beats his wife over the head (figuratively) with the Bible because he is the head of the house.

The church these people attend spends no time discussing the idea that the husband must love his wife as Jesus loves the church or that he is the spiritual head as long as he is in fit spiritual condition. They just say that the Bible says he is the head and that is the end. He LOVES that and his wife then needs to take no responsibility for herself.

This church is HUGE. People flock there. I am very concerned.

So I am going to discuss this book with my pastor and may or may not continue.

4Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; 5does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; 6does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; 7bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

My thoughts and my thoughts alone.

Janis

From: Joyis1NChrst@aol.com
To: fortydaysofpurpose@usefulstringband.com
Sent: Thursday, February 05, 2004 12:01 PM
Subject: PDL-Day 5

From: C Brady <usefulstringband@earthlink.net>
Date: Fri Feb 6, 2004 10:07:42 AM US/Eastern
To: fortydaysofpurpose@usefulstringband.com
Subject: Re: General comment

On Friday, February 6, 2004, at 07:55 AM, Janis L. McLaughlin/James D. Greaves wrote:

Belief in Jesus and following him is the only true way. And, by the way, I know the truth and I know if you are doing it right. If you donít do it right, you go to hell.

This is in response to.....?

When something has as a premise a core concept that I believe to be fundamentally in error, then everything else that proceeds from it is suspect.

After reasonable investigation, I hope.

So folks who choose to be apart from God, get stuck with Him in the long run anyway? I know some people who might consider that possibility not heavenly.

Absolute love does not condemn. Love forgives all things. That is why it is so difficult for us humans to understand it.

Because we are not God. God IS love.

Jesus said he IS the truth and the way. I don't know the truth. I have a relationship with the truth. I don't have a problem with people using scripture to assure someone of their salvation. Even Jonathan Edwards in his famous sermon about Hell didn't say he knew particularly who was going there.

These people are dangerous. They are one step away from Jim Jones and cups of Kool-Aid.

What step is that?

Oh, but they have the power of love and God on their side. Really? Who says?

Again, who are you responding to here?

Who is moving these people?

How do you know what this church is doing? Are you judging the church by the behavior and statements of this husband?

This church is HUGE. People flock there. I am very concerned.

Just my bias, but I figure any place to which people flock in droves can't be right. But that's just me. I'll reserve judgment.

So I am going to discuss this book with my pastor and may or may not continue.

Continue what, reading the book? Participating in this discussion?

Job 36:26
How great is God-beyond our understanding!

My thoughts and my thoughts alone.

It's nice to see some discussion here.

Love,
Cathy

-----------------------------------------

From: C Brady <usefulstringband@earthlink.net>
Date: Fri Feb 6, 2004 5:29:30 PM US/Eastern
To: fortydaysofpurpose@usefulstringband.com
Subject: day 6 - this world ain't my home

How does knowing this world is only my temporary home affect what I choose to do today?

Makes me want to clean house. Like those clothes that I never wore, never looked right and probably never will, but that sit around in the closet. What is in my life that is not eternal? What do I take time for that really doesn't fit in eternity? Does it glorify God? Does it give comfort to the prisoner, the hungry, the orphan, the widow, the alien? Does it express or promote love?

Sometimes my desire to be Right is not eternal. Often the attention I seek from others is not for eternal motives.

I'm praying that God shows me what are the temporary things in my life. I do this with some trepidation!
Yours,
Cathy

Nourish me Lord.
Nourish me with your love.
Calm the frantic feelings within me.
Grow a sense of security within me.
I want to be able to sit quietly.
Like a weaned child.
Nourished.
Secure in your love.
Amen.

From: C Brady <usefulstringband@earthlink.net>
Date: Fri Feb 6, 2004 5:43:34 PM US/Eastern
To: fortydaysofpurpose@usefulstringband.com
Subject: some fun about small groups

I got these from a small group website I subscribe to. Enjoy!
-Cathy:

"Top ten signs you're in a bad small group!"

10. Your group leader is featured on "America's Most Wanted".

* Gene Petersen, Oakdale Evangelical Free Church.

9. The group votes for their next study to be "Volume Three of the Encyclopedia Brittanica."

* Rick Lowry, Crossroads Christian, Evansville, IN

8. They insist on meeting at midnight.

* Barry Osborne, Wesley Memorial United Methodist

7. A group members introduces his visiting friend, "Guido" and all the other group members pull out a piece.

* Rick Lowry, Crossroads Christian, Evansville, IN

6. The ice breaker is followed by a 911 call.

* Gene Petersen, Oakdale Evangelical Free Church

5. Wherever you meet police cars line the street.

* Sheila Ely, Bethany Community

4. The ice breaker that generates the most response is "If you could commit a felony and not be caught, which one would it be?"

* Rich Hart, Venice Bible Church

3. The leader co-leads with his ventriloquist dummy.

* Gene Petersen, Oakdale Evangelical Free Church

2. The ice breaker is "Share your biggest pet peeve about the people who are not here tonight"

* Rich Hart, Venice Bible Church

1. Every week people keep asking if this is the first time you have been here.

* Rich Hart, Venice Bible Church

From: C Brady <usefulstringband@earthlink.net>
Date: Sat Feb 7, 2004 10:38:27 AM US/Eastern
To: fortydaysofpurpose@usefulstringband.com
Subject: Day 6 - more thoughts on

It's day seven but I had an insight about the day 6 topic.

How do I waste my time on earth?
The time I put into trying to alleviate another's suffering is not wasted. So when there are so many expressing needs, why am I spending time trying to "fix" members of my family or acquaintances? Worrying and scheming about how to straighten out so-and-so who is not operating as I would have them ... even if I think what they are doing will bring them to suffering eventually, it is not my job to manage their lives. God is in charge of their lives.

Even as I write this I'm thinking "Now if my step-mother could just get this idea in her head!" .... which is just me trying to manage my step-mother!!! Boy, this learning to live for God's purposes is not easy!
Love,
Cathy
From: Joyis1NChrst@aol.com
Date: Sat Feb 7, 2004 2:13:54 PM US/Eastern
To: fortydaysofpurpose@usefulstringband.com
Subject: PDL-Day 6

did I lose a day? Whatever happened, I am only on day 6. I did day 28 first and that dovetails back to day 6.

Since life on earth is just a temporary assignment, how should that change the way I live today?

Yippee!! This life is just temporary. This makes me think of the expressions: "This too shall pass." and "One day at a time." and "I can live for one day through something that I would think was impossible if I had to do it for a lifetime"Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem." and "Life's a b****, and then you die."

When I am in the midst of pain I just do not believe it will ever go away. I can't remember every not being in pain. The opposite is true too, when I am rejoicing in good fortune and happiness I can't remember the pain and I think I can never fall again. It is good to remind myself that this too shall pass. Knowing that each emotion or physical state I experience is all just part of an overall temporary situation helps me take life just one day at a time. Today I can tolerate being overwhelmingly sleepy for the second day in a row by reminding myself there will come another morning when I will have energy to spare. Last night I went into the spiral to suicidal ideation yet again. Rembering that those thoughts are only temporary helped me choose to stay here one more day. Strangely enought the bumper-sticker saying, Life's a b**** and then you die is comforting to me. I live in a fallen, sin-sick world and because of sin, I am dying a little every day. My body will not get better, people will not sin less, the world will not get better. We are all spiraling down to that crisis of the world that brings about the return of Christ and the end of all things. Knowing this I should not balk at or be surprised when things go badly or life hurts. It does not mean Jesus is not with me. Dying was not in God's original plan, but He uses it to rescue us today from the b****iness of life. When I was diagnosed with cancer on my 44th birthday I had a huge awakening. I thought about what was the worst thing that could happen. Death was by far and away not the worst, the worst for me was the thought of losing my dignity and being in intense pain. I realized like never before how utterly powerless I was/am. I knew that I could fight and rage and cry and bargain but ultimately I would need to accept what was true and surrender to what would be. I asked God to keep me close to Him and I had a vision of Jesus standing by my hospital bed stroking my hair and holding my hand. I knew that He would be with me no matter what I went through and from then on, I had peace about the cancer.
I should change my attitudes and behaviors about all other things in my life, not just the big stuff like cancer. It life is temporary then my not getting my bed made this morning is not a crisis and I do not deserve to be punished for my laxity.
Thank you Jesus, for your mercy,
Joy

-----------------
From: C Brady <usefulstringband@earthlink.net>
Date: Sat Feb 7, 2004 11:03:01 AM US/Eastern
To: fortydaysofpurpose@usefulstringband.com
Subject: Day 7 - Wow!

Where in my daily routine can I become more aware of God's glory?

Wow. Today's reading was awesome. I was so excited while I read that I wanted to read faster and faster, but I knew that the words were so important to me that I should read more slowly than ever. I know I need to reread this chapter a few times!

Before reading I prayed to hear what God wanted me to hear and I had a thought about day 6 which I am sending in a separate post.

It was nice to see John Piper quoted. I subscribe to his sermons by email. Nobody explains election to me better than he does. If you're interested:
http://dgmlists.org/mailman/listinfo/sermons_dgmlists.org
He seems unafraid of the difficult issues in Christianity.

I missed my small PDL group because I was too lame with my back. And next week I'll miss it because I have to attend a CPR class for work. There's a small group meeting today that I can attend. I was thinking of not going because I'll have to go up and down my apartment building stairs an extra time. I may decide to go in light of today's reading.
"We bring God glory by loving other believers"
That's my toughest.

BTW, I think God was in my missing my own small group, because in talking to the hostess on the phone, I found out about an excursion program which my client Jack will really enjoy. I'll be picking up tickets for him and his caregiver (a retired lady who can use the money and the recreation) on Monday. And picking up the tickets will get me moving and resisting the urge to extend my weekend with a sick day. (the best place for my back is at work where the bed is better) So praise God for my bad back!

Today is ESL and Citizenship class.
"We bring God glory by serving others with our gifts"
Living in this country and being literate and able to participate is certainly a God given gift. I didn't earn it in any way. (That's why I don't say I'm PROUD to be an American) I was born here. And I never was drafted to defend my birthright. So my literacy and citizenship are a trust. What a privilege to share them. I moan and groan about using part of my "day off" to teach the class, but it is ALWAYS an uplifting experience. I am sharing a blessing with the people who most appreciate that blessing. What's better than that?

May our day glorify God,
Cathy

From: Joyis1NChrst@aol.com
Date: Tue Feb 10, 2004 11:38:33 AM US/Eastern
To: fortydaysofpurpose@usefulstringband.com
Subject: Days 7,8 & 9

I got up and left early and didn't get home until late the last few days so I didn't post. I forced myself not to read other's posts either until now. Thank you, Cathy for Day 9's NACR post. Just what I needed today as I just wrote in my hand-written journal on day 29 and realized how my many fears over my deep shame and self-condemnation keep me from serving God. I contemplated not posting any more because with so few people posting at all I felt "I" was not getting anything out of it and how could anything I had to say be of any benefit to others? It seems God has a purpose in all of this writing though and I certainly have benefitted from Cathy's shares. So here are my updated shares from days 7-9:

Dec. 21, 2003: Day 7: How, in my daily routine could I become more aware of God's glory around me?
     Dear God, in this moment I am very aware of your glory--in the touching of my friend's heart & the wonder of sharing a moment with you that 2 people (when people in the world are so separate & estranged from connecting with one another) should share their hearts by surrendering to you. How beautiful! (It saddens me as I copy this from late last year already, that we had a moment of surrender and now my friend is in relapse and I am free one more day. What wonder that I should be free, please free her and keep us together in you.)
     I am experiencing your glory in the pleasure of laughter, the loyalty of my friend's dog, good sleep, the intensity of the cat's watching and his sensuousness in rolling and kneading my friend while he luxuriates in being scratched on his face. I am enjoying you because of the beauty of the Christmas lights and the energy and freedom from pain you gave my friend. (Please free her from her emotional pain and grant her heart to see your glory today.)
     I feel so blessed in this moment that I am not sure how I could be more aware of your glory. And in that is my answer -- more time in devotion, meditation, worship and corporate worship. I know my daily devotions has to be daily for me to open a door to experience you and hear you & know your will each day.
...[continued under day 8 and 9]
           Love,
                 Joy

------------------------------------------

From: C Brady <usefulstringband@earthlink.net>
Date: Sat Feb 7, 2004 9:54:13 PM US/Eastern
To: fortydaysofpurpose@usefulstringband.com
Subject: Day 8 - can I floss for Jesus?

Joy, we started on Feb 1 as day one, so at least for February the date number is a good clue as what chapter we're on. As our group leader mentioned tonight, the Jewish day starts at sunset and usually that's when I start my daily work. I try to remember not to post it til the next day tho, so it doesn't throw others. As I write this, it is the 8th in New Zealand.( I always get a kick out of that.)

I just got home from a wonderful small group PDL meeting. Since I missed my own, I visited another. And now there's another person on this list. Welcome, Ginger! Next week I have to miss my own again and can't go Sat, night, so I hope to visit yet another small group.

Our group was quite informal and we just drifted in discussion - but with passion and enthusiasm and with God at the center of discussion. I hope that we can learn to talk like this more in fellowship. Even in Christian gatherings it sometimes seems we're afraid to talk about what's in our hearts about God. As if it's not Sunday school we're not supposed to or something. I'd love to see a potluck where people are openly discussing predestination or the ordination of lady deacons. We'd have to love and trust each other a lot to discuss those things peacefully.

Well, I left my battery charger in the car, so I'd better get down to the subject du jour.

What common task could I start doing as if I were doing it directly for Jesus?

Hmmm... I'm not spiritually evolved enough to floss for Jesus, but I think I could wash the dishes for Jesus. I have learned to cook in the spirit of service and that is very rewarding. (and tasty too!)
I have to be careful because my inner Martha has often overpowered my inner Mary. But I don't think I'm in danger of letting washing dishes overtake my spiritual life.

Love,
Cathy

From: Joyis1NChrst@aol.com
Date: Tue Feb 10, 2004 11:38:33 AM US/Eastern
To: fortydaysofpurpose@usefulstringband.com
Subject: Days 7,8 & 9
...
Day 8: What could I start doing today as if I was doing it for Jesus?
     Everything of course!!! Wow--I could cook for Jesus instead of for my friend--trying to makie her happy so she will be abstinent so I can stay abstinent and so she will praise me for how good I cook & how much I've helped her is self-centered and a waste of time. God, help me to stay abstinent for you & God, I just am sort of being abstinent each day because I should, because I am here to help my friend be abstinent and get and stay that way myself. (Thank you that this has become my routine again, Lord, that I am abstinent today because I am and that is my natural state. 16 days of clarity today, God, thank you that I did not have to stay in that pit of food slavery! Hey, God, I could eat unto you today! Thanks!)
     I need to be with my friend to glorify you, not me, or her. God I love my friend--she is fun, witty, deep, caring, kind, tender, smart and knowledgeable. She is also very sad and full of self-loathing and I know what it is to be there som y heart is going out to her all the time. Forgive me for wanting her to love me instead of wanting her to lover you and even more instead of worshiping you myself! (Thank you for your mercy even as I see my sin. I love you Lord and my heart even loves my friend anew today as I copy this. Teach her to love you so that she can do all things unto you too--like eat unto you! Amen.)
           Love,
                 Joy

------------------------------------------
From: C Brady <usefulstringband@earthlink.net>
Date: Mon Feb 9, 2004 9:07:36 AM US/Eastern
To: fortydaysofpurpose@usefulstringband.com
Subject: Day 9 - where can I go but to the Lord?

Since God knows what is best, in what areas of my life do I need to trust Him most?

The way I approach this question this morning is by looking at my greatest fears. My greatest fears today are of being misguided, of being misunderstood, and of being ineffective.

I need to trust that if I abide in God's word, He will give me true guidance.
I need to trust that God will never misunderstand me.
I need to trust that God's purposes will be realized and whatever I do in His name can move mountains. That the "active ingredient" in the formula of cause and effect is God's will.

Have a blessed day, yall.
Cathy

From: C Brady <usefulstringband@earthlink.net>
Date: Mon Feb 9, 2004 9:12:24 AM US/Eastern
To: fortydaysofpurpose@usefulstringband.com
Subject: Day 9 - NACR Daily Meditation for Monday, Feb 9, 2004

This is a daily meditation I subscribe to. It seems to speak to what I was thinking about Day 9.

Begin forwarded message:

From: nacrmed-admin@nacronline.com
Date: Mon Feb 9, 2004 3:00:00 AM US/Eastern
To: nacrmed@nacronline.com
Subject: NACR Daily Meditation for Monday, Feb 9, 2004
Reply-To: replytodailymed@nacronline.com

************************************************************

NACR Daily Meditation for Monday, Feb 9, 2004

************************************************************

This then is how we know that we belong to the truth, and how we set our
hearts at rest in his presence whenever our hearts condemn us. For God is
greater than our hearts, and he knows everything.I John 3:19-20

Sometimes it is difficult to believe that we 'belong to the truth'. Sometimes
it is difficult to imagine having our 'hearts at rest'. The part of our
heart that is damaged by shame reminds us of all our inadequacies and failures.
As this text puts it, our hearts condemn us.

In the process of recovery many of us become aware that we have internalized
a voice of shame and self-condemnation. We may tell ourselves that we are
unlovable. "How could anyone care about me?" Or, we may tell ourselves
that we are worthless. "I'm no good." Or, we may tell ourselves
that we are not capable. "I can't do anything right." These are
some of the ways we condemn ourselves. We also may question our faith. We
may wonder, as this verse puts it, whether "we belong to the truth".
Because of our early experiences of rejection and our current self-condemnation,
we find ourselves expecting God to condemn us. As a result we cannot rest
in God's presence.

But God is greater than our self-condemning hearts. God knows everything.
God knows our history. God knows the wounds in our past. God knows our humanness.
God knows our strengths and weaknesses. God knows our failures. God knows we
condemn ourselves and expect that God will condemn us as well. God knows that we need healing.

God is greater than our self-condemning hearts. God knows everything. And
God does not condemn us.

I long to set my heart at rest, Lord.
I long to rest in your presence.
But, my heart is full of self-condemnation.
The voices of shame are loud within me.

I am afraid that you will also condemn me, Lord.
I am afraid that you will agree with the shame voices.

Speak to me today, Lord.
Speak more loudly than the voices of shame.
Be greater than my heart.
Shame can only feed on the hidden things, Lord,
but nothing is hid from you.
Be more powerful than the shame, Lord.
Let me find rest today in your love.
Amen.

************************************************************
ROOTED IN GOD'S LOVE (the book from which these meditations are taken, is back in print! To order call our office at 714-529-6227 ext 111 or order online at

http://www.nacronline.com/dox/store/nacrbooks.shtml

************************************************************
Meditations from previous days can be viewed at:

http://two.pairlist.net/pipermail/nacrmed/

From: Joyis1NChrst@aol.com
Date: Tue Feb 10, 2004 11:38:33 AM US/Eastern
To: fortydaysofpurpose@usefulstringband.com
Subject: Days 7,8 & 9

...

Day 9: Since God knows what's best, in what areas of my life do I need to trust Him more?
     I was struck by the stoy of Noah building the ark where there was NO water--he looked foolish--people mocked him and cursed him. He just kept obeying God. I am so afraid of being mocked. My earthly father mocks me and has mocked me all of my life. I hate being teased and consequently people (especially men) seem to love to tease me and taunt me. I hate it! Is this what I need to trust God about? Other people's treatment and opinion of me?
     I think God has called me to start a treatment center but I have no money, no experience and I am afraid of failing in a grand manner. Besides I can't seem to stay abstinent myself any length of time these past months so who am I?
     God are you telling me to go ahead and ssek the grant money I learned about? I am hugely afraid of displeasing my therapist/partner. I have thought you were calling me to give counseling for free to those whom other counselors could not see...do I seek a grant to start a free Christian counseling center? Donations? How? If you want me to do this you need to open some more doors--cuz my pastor and therapist don't think I should see people for free but my husband does.
     God I have such a hard time knowing your will at times and then I am so rebellious and resentful about obeying it. The 11th step (Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God, seeking only a knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.) says to pray ONLY for a knowledge of YOUR will and the ability to do it!
     God I so want to do everything for you, I cry to think how far I am from that and I could go into despair but for the cry of my heart that is different--the cry that is a yearning in my soul for relationship with you.
     God, I need to learn to trust you one day at a time with my future--finances, health, emotions, husband, parents, siblings, the insurance company at my apartment, my friend, my recovery friends, my new job at church as Evangelism Chair and everything, everything, everything. One day at a time is the only sane way to go about all this so the main area of trust is to trust you for today -- for this moment that I will write according to your will & share according to your will & pray according to your will & rejoice according to your will & then eat, go about my day & sleep according to your will.
     May it be so,
           Love,
                 Joy

-----------------------------------------------
From: C Brady <usefulstringband@earthlink.net>
Date: Tue Feb 10, 2004 6:41:27 AM US/Eastern
To: fortydaysofpurpose@usefulstringband.com
Subject: Day10 - Surrender

What area of my life am I holding back from God?

The answer to this does not come to mind, so I pray that as I go about my day, I'll see.

This may be my favorite chapter so far. I underlined a lot of stuff. One of my favorite images was in this: "The problem with a living sacrifice is that it can crawl off the altar."

Today A.W.Tozer was quoted. For a collection of Tozer's sermons, try:
http://www.oneplace.com/ministries/a_w_tozer/Archives.asp

Well we're one quarter of the way. Am I one quarter transformed?

In His love,
Cathy

From: Joyis1NChrst@aol.com
Date: Wed Feb 11, 2004 2:12:54 PM US/Eastern
To: fortydaysofpurpose@usefulstringband.com
Subject: Day 10

What areas of my life am I holding back from God? What am I afraid of?

When I was a little girl I got a doll called Shrinking Violet. She talked and one of the things she said was, "I'm just afraid of everything!" That is me! My fears paralyze me.
I have multiple personalities. I am afraid of accepting that entirely. I am afraid that I will be found out to be a fool, a dupe, a liar, delusional, psychotic and therefore really crazy. I am equally afraid of finding out that what the alters say is really true. How could my parents have really done all that? I have confirmed so many things already but somehow I can keep denying that each thing I find to be true from some other source is "all that bad". I am afraid of going into a rage and killing someone. I am afraid of being beaten by the police and put in jail and being raped by the guards! LOL, I fear in the fantasy future big time. But I can laugh but it is still true that I fear it all. I fear being homeless. I fear being found out to be a fraud and losing my disability. LOL, my multiple suicide attempts and endless psychiatric hospitalizations just don't convince me that I really have a mental illness! I can be so, "normal" so often. I just can't maintain it. I fear being found out to not really be a Christian or as much of a Christian as people who are in my church. They are older, wiser and holier than me. Never mind that I have been a Christian 31 1/2 years and faithfully and regulary attended church all that time and daily pray and meditate and read scripture. Never mind that I have taught all ages Bible classes and Sunday School and Religion classes. I am just not good enough to really be in the church. I was recently elected chair of the board of evangelism and outreach at my church. That makes me an officer of the whole church council which conducts the business of the church. I have never been an officer before. I do not know how to delegate. I do not know how to manage time. I am afraid of giving up in shame and letting everyone down.
So, okay, those are my fears. What is behind them that I am holding back from God? I really don't know. I don't fully trust Him seems to be the main thing. I don't think He can bring me to a knowledge of the truth. I don't think He can protect me from myself. I think He will make me to be a fool and homeless because that will try my faith and make me trust Him so that is the best for me. I feel angry that He wants to cause me more pain in my life even before the pain comes! So I hold my whole self back from Him and I do not surrender my life and will. I am holding back the right to control my own life in case He doesn't do it right.
God, forgive me.

-----------------------------------------------

From: C Brady <usefulstringband@earthlink.net>
Date: Wed Feb 11, 2004 12:02:24 PM US/Eastern
To: fortydaysofpurpose@usefulstringband.com
Subject: Day 11 - remind me

What can I do to remind myself to think about God and talk to Him more often throughout the day?

Here's what I already do:
Put time in my daily routine in the beginning and at the end of the day. Listen to music that has God in its focus. Communicate with sisters and brothers in Christ. Look for things that are true, pure, admirable, noble, right and lovely.

For some time now I have found it hard to remember God before I eat a meal. Put the food before me and too often I'm off to the races. I'll have a few bites and then remember to pray. Come to think of it, there are many tasks where I charge in before remembering God.

I thought today's question was a little silly and mechanical, but clearly it's something I need to think about. An alarm system with my telephone message service might be useful. I can program the phone to ring at key points during the day. I guess I'll give it a try.

a thought on fellowship - I'd rather be in fellowship in ministry than in study.

Yours,
Cathy
-------------------------------------------

From: Joyis1NChrst@aol.com
Date: Fri Feb 13, 2004 1:23:14 PM US/Eastern
To: fortydaysofpurpose@usefulstringband.com
Subject: PDL Day 11 and 12

Day 11:
How could I remind myself to talk to God more often throughout my day?

Print prayers, scriptures and affirmations and post them on the bathroom mirror, kitchen cupboard, back of door to outside, car visor, wall in room where I spend the most time, next to TV, on phone, next to computer, inside wallett, outside of briefcase.  Put 3rd step prayer next to pill tray to say 3 times a day when taking meds.
My problem, God, is that I am at times so content--I feel like I spend enough time with you, I talk to you enough and hear from you enough and I'm very happy with my ongoing conversations with you. The other problem is that when I am not content, I stop talking to you or listening to you or obeying you when I do hear from you.
God, grant me the desire to know you more:
God, I offer myself to Thee, to build with me and do with me as Thou wilt. Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may better do Thy will. Take away my difficulties, that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help, of Thy power, Thy love and Thy way of life.  May I do Thy will always.

----------------------------------
Day 12:
What choices will I make today in order to grow closer to God?

On New Years Day I began this question with cursing you, God.  I was angry because I had had to binge the night before in order to burn those files my male parent had sent to me.  God, I have been having trouble with rageing off and on ever since.  Here the day before I had written that I was content and then promptly began to neglect this very study that was my main daily contact with you. I feel powerless to choose to grow closer to you.  I didn't make my bed yesterday until later and haven't today either.  I have slept late and not wanted to do stuff.  I neglected this study yesterday.  God, I am mad at you today too.  I realize that there are all these problems: my broken bone is not  healing, my arthritis is getting worse, my abdomen is going into muscle spasms and Dr. M is thinking cancer!?--you know, God there is a sick part of me that wants it to come back.  At least cancer is concrete, all this mental stuff seems unmanageable, cancer seems like something I can accept and let run its course knowing that I will either die or be healed.  For some reason I cannot get that with the emotional stuff.  My cell phone isn't working right and the phone company is driving me crazy!  My computer isn't working right and the computer company is driving me crazy!  My doctor's receptionist is driving me crazy!  I want to sue everybody except the one I should be directing my anger toward.  I feel like to separate from, or worse, accuse, my parents directly is akin to dying.  I don't get that God.  More of this idolatry stuff, I am putting them before you.  Forgive me. 
I guess this talking with you is the best I know to draw closer to you.  I don't know what more I could do, Lord.  I am so tired so much of the time and so overwhelmed so much of the time it seems like nightly scripture reading and devotional booklet and prayer and daily scripture reading, this guide and writing and prayer; regular church attendance and a Christian Compulsive Eaters Anonymous meeting with scripture and sharing and prayer and a Christian email loop should be enough!  And yet heaven will be being with you all day, every day, forever.  I long for that and I know you want me to long for that, but I think you want me to function in this world too.  I get so confused about this, God.  "Praying only for a knowledge of your will.."  So, I will just do the next thing today and not worry about it anymore.  Thank you,
Amen, Love, Joy

From: C Brady <usefulstringband@earthlink.net>
Date: Thu Feb 12, 2004 3:56:23 PM US/Eastern
To: fortydaysofpurpose@usefulstringband.com
Subject: Day 12 - stumped

OK I'm stumped for this. And I really gave it a lot of thought.

I'll be away this weekend, taking one of those retreats we don't really need if we're close to God all the time. Actually I need to be with the other PEOPLE who will be at the retreat..... Or maybe I don't really need it, but I'm glad to be going anyway!

Hold the fort folks?
Cathy
--------------------------------
From: Joyis1NChrst@aol.com
Date: Sat Feb 14, 2004 12:34:56 PM US/Eastern
To: fortydaysofpurpose@usefulstringband.com
Subject: Day 13

Which is more pleasing to God right now--my public worship or my private worship?  What will I do about this?

     I do not know whether God likes my public or private worship better.  I cannot know the mind of God.  I think if I  knew what kind of worship was more satisfying to me--more fullfilling, and turned my heart and body more toward God, I might be tempted to say that is the one. As it is, I delight in my private worship time.  I am moved to praise God and tell others about our interactions and discoveries.  And then I rejoice and sigh for contentment when I enter into corporate worship.  I am also moved to tell about that experience.  And with corporate worship or TV worship, I hears someone else talk about serving God and i am inspired to take action to serve other people. 
     I love to sing praises, speak praises, confess the truth through creeds, lift my hands, kneel, stand, sit, bow my head, be still, rais my head, shout, clap, laugh,cry, weep, breathe, witness, share, dance, listen, read, write and do all manner of things unto the Lord.  Is this all pleasing to Him as it is to me?
     I have worshipped God as a naturalist--out of doors or at least in view of the mountains.  I have worshipped God as a sensate with saying and meaning: "This is the best meal I ever ate!" or while focusing on the feel of a fabric to stay in the moment and with incense and candles.  I have worshiped God as a traditionalist--loving the liturgy, candles and paraments, loving the chanting and responses.  I have worshiped as an activist--marching for justice for the opressed, weak and downtrodden.  I have worshiped as a caregiver--taking care of the elderly, sick, mentally ill, homeless and friends and family who were in need.  I have worshiped God as an enthusiast with dance and clapping or even having a party.  And I have been contemplative--adoring God in blissful silence in my closet.  And I have also been an worshiper with my intellect--delighting in learning the things of God and studying His word.
     Is all of this differing worship because of the parts?  Thank you God that you have given us such pleasure in so many different ways. Thank you for my parts.  Thank you Jesus for coming to the hillside to play with us.  I pray that today you guide me to do your will. Amen, love, Joy

From: C Brady <usefulstringband@earthlink.net>
Date: Sun Feb 15, 2004 7:02:12 PM US/Eastern
To: fortydaysofpurpose@usefulstringband.com
Subject: Day 13

Which is more pleasing to God right now--my public worship or my private worship?  What will I do about this?

This one is easy. My private worship is more sincere, more self-less. In public I worry that I'm not standing or sitting or kneeling at the right time. I feel restrained from doing anything "too showy" which is just as self-conscious as showing off would be. I sing loud and little kids turn around and scowl at me.

In public worship it helps when I am sitting with someone who I think might be lonely and I'm thinking of being 'with' them.

I do get involved with sermons and scripture readings most of all.

Of all those worship styles mentioned in the book I identified with most of them. Like Joy, I don't think I can pick out one. For most of my adult life I've noticed I have two conflicting "spritual drives". One is to draw into my center and find peace, the other is to shout about that peace to others. I suspect that's just how I was made to be.

Cathy

-----------------------------
From: Joyis1NChrst@aol.com
Date: Sun Feb 15, 2004 9:56:38 AM US/Eastern
To: fortydaysofpurpose@usefulstringband.com
Subject: Day 14

How do I intend to stay focused on God even when He feels distant?

    As far as practical things to keep me focused: Being a part of a group like this and a face to face group too.  Going to church and having daily devotions no matter what.  Making phone calls to other fellow strugglers daily and talking about how God feels distant can also help.  Writing about it and making the writing into a prayer as I did with this one 40 days ago is the most helpful to me.  The following may have been written 40 days ago so the desperation is less, but the plea is still from my heart.

     This is a painful and frightening topic.  When I was in the hospital in November, my friend called me and chastised me for stopping my daily prayer and meditation.  I felt hopeless & then so angry -- why, how could I keep that daily practice when I felt no connection with God?  I had been abstaining from compulsive eating again for 39 days but had no "conscious contact" with God and so assumed I had done something wrong. (today I have 20 days and know I did nothing wrong to not experience the consciousness and have been practicing staying focused and not demanding a blissful emotional experience all the time)
     My friend's criticism only "proved"  that I had done wrong, was wrong, was bad, wasn't God's beloved, may have been created for damnation. These old tapes began to play.  And so, having not resolved the "dark night of the soul" versus my 2-yr. study of Experiencing God, I left the hospital and got in the food again and again even in the midst of this study!   I am abstinent today because I hope for a restoration of the joy of my salvation. (I am abstinent today because it is the right thing to do and just the normal thing I do do.  It has taken since November trying over and over to get back to "normal" to get here.  It has taken 10 years of working at being abstinent "no matter what" to get this kind of eating to be "normal".  It has taken 31 years of trying to pray and read scripture daily and trying to go to church every Sunday to get to the point where it is my "normal" routine.  It is not normal for sinners to spend time with God and it is not normal for food addicts to abstain from compulsive eating or addictive foods but in Christ it is possible!)  Am I not to have the joy of my salvation restored? Am I to suffer the pain of seeming separation from God?  I do not know if I can bear it.  I have bravely said that I would praise Him and serve Him "no matter what".  I can take the liver problems --even liver cancer (turned out negative by His grace!).  I can take the broken foot (even not healing).  I can take the financial ruin I think.  I can take the loss of space and the difficulties with friends.  I can take not having the warmest relationship with my pastor.  As long as I have the joy that abides in deepest sorrow, the joy of the Lord that is my strength, the assurance of my salvation and can still believe and delight in "the wonders of His grace" -- with this joy, I can tolerate anything. 
     God, I beg you please do not take away my joy or I may disobey you again regarding food. I am utterly powerless over food and my life is unmanageable.  When I feel your absence that unmanageability becomes intolerable and I begin to desparately try  to control again.  God, have mercy on me -- the thought of you withdrawing from me is unbearabel -- I  feel desperate and angry now.  I know Rick Warren and Saint John of the Cross and Floyd McClury are all right.  I know I have quoted Job's determination to praise you even if you killed him.  But God, death and temporal suffering are nothing!  Instead death occurs when I abandon you and I abandon myself because it feels like you have abandoned me first!  I fear I will lose my abstinence for good if I cannot experience hope.  I have been told by Henry Blackaby and Rick Warren and the 12 steps that God desires a relationship, a love relationship, an intimate personal relationship with me. 
     There has been talk of "practicing the presence of God".  My husband and I are married.  We live apart.  We are legally separated -- we may divorce.  But I am confident of his love and that as far as is humanly possible barring accident or death, he will always come back to me.  That is an intimate relationship even though marred by our selfish sinfulness.  I can be even more sure of God's love, it is just that I do not trust myself to always come back to Him.
     This study began by saying its not all about me.  Yet it assures me that all that God does is for my good and my pleasure.  Please God, please, do not leave me in the cold and dark.  I beg you God -- I am ashamed to admit that I am obviously still not certain of my salvation all the time not am I certain of you.  Forgive me Lord. (And thank you for taking the desperation from me and restoring to me some assurance of your constancy and faithfulness to get me back on track.  Thank you for answering this cry and assuring me of your forgiveness. Thank you for the gift of perseverance.  I love you. Joy.)

From: C Brady <usefulstringband@earthlink.net>
Date: Sun Feb 15, 2004 7:05:36 PM US/Eastern
To: fortydaysofpurpose@usefulstringband.com
Subject: Day 14

How do I intend to stay focused on God even when He feels distant?

I don't know. Since I've been a Christian I haven't had that feeling. So I'm not sure I know what he's talking about.

The words to What a Friend We have in Jesus say it all for me.
So I guess I'd want to sing that song.

Cathy

------------------------------------------------

From: C Brady <usefulstringband@earthlink.net>
Date: Mon Feb 16, 2004 12:09:07 PM US/Eastern
To: fortydaysofpurpose@usefulstringband.com
Subject: Day 15 - family

Treating my brothers and sisters in Christ like my family.....

I suppose this means like I OUGHT to be treating family, not the gossipy resentful jealous part.

exchanging gifts
keeping up to date on well being
asking for help when needed
admonishing when called for
letting individuals have a chance to shine
sharing responsibility
breaking bread together
doing the nasty chores - taking out the trash, changing the toilet paper roll
sharing celebrations of life events and achievements
sharing wealth
sharing sorrow

Also doing things in a way that identifies me as a family member. Even as a single mother with a single child we had a "Brady" way of doing things. ... as in "We Brady's don't do that" or "we Brady's do this". My son's reason for good behavior was not as much "because I said so" as "this is the way WE do it."

There is a lot to change in my current behavior.
Cathy

From: Joyis1NChrst@aol.com
Date: Mon Feb 16, 2004 2:02:54 PM US/Eastern
To: fortydaysofpurpose@usefulstringband.com
Subject: Day 15

How can I start treating other members like members of my own family?

Since my intention is to cut off all contact w my family of origin, this question is difficult for me. I made the decision (well, I am thinking seriously about making the decision) because every time I am with them I end up hurting myself and because most of them are not believers (in fact, mock and scorn Christ) and Dr. Dan Allender's book Bold Love hypothesizes that true love would not ignore someone's sins but confront them in the hope that they might be moved to repentence and therefore saved. I confronted my father a few years ago and that did not bring him to repentence at all though it did move him a little ways toward semi-apologetic language. Dear reader and fellow struggler on the road of life: please pray for the salvation of my family of origin and the strength, courage and love on my part to honestly and openly share with them and not let them keep hurting me. I know that part of the way I can treat my family in Christ aright is to be bold for Him and to make them my true family. As it is my recovery family is my family of choice right now. In a 12-step meeting I can talk honestly and openly about my slips and failings. I can talk about my suicide attempts and self-hatred. I can talk about my crazy, stinking thinking. God has brought me to Christian recovery sites and now to this email loop that is strictly Christian and not 12 step. Maybe He is helping me to open up with "regular" Christians. I think my story sometimes shocks or offends people and I don't know how to be "normal" around them because it is my story and my reality and therefore "normal" for me and when people get uncomfortable, it feels like rejection and that feels like I am not only not "normal" but terribly abnormal!
I am trying to be more involved in my true family. I need to be in a small group I think. The only real choice in my small congregation is to go to the women's Bible study on Wed. morning or the congregational Bible study on Wed. evening. but Wed. morning starts too early and is boring and Wed. evening is one of my 3 minimum recovery meetings a week. I do go to Adult Sunday School and talk there. I guess that helps.
One thing that Rick Warren brought up was Baptism. I was Baptized when I was 16. I think Rick Warren misses a huge important thing about Baptism. It isn't just a symbol of the fact that I am a member of God's family, nor is it just about me openly proclaiming my membership; it is in fact how we can be assured that we are members of God's family. Martin Luther (the Protestant Reformer of 1517) recommended that when the devil attacks we should proclaim, "I have been baptized." Scripture says "Whoever believes and is Baptized will be saved..." (Mark 16:16) and "Baptism now saves you." (1 Peter 3:21). How can water have this power? Well of course it is not the water alone, it is the combination of the water with the saving word of God, "I baptize you in the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit." It is a great mystery how God accomplishes so much with ordinary elements of earth until I remember that His word does not return void and that His word is more powerful than a 2-edged sword!
When I was baptized I became a member of the family of God. I forget this. I forget that I am no worse than anyone else in my family. Making disciples of all nations is just a bunch of beggars telling other beggars where to find bread! I wish that I believed that deep in my heart. I spend so much time feeling less than, that I shy away from intimacy with others in the church. God help me to love and be open and honest with my true family in you.
Anyone reading is free to comment to me if you want...about how you think I could improve my intimacy with others like yourself...members of the church. I somehow think that other Christians are really holy and I am still a sinner on the outside looking in. I think that you, dear reader, are shocked and bothered by my shares here and avoiding sharing yourself because you don't want to be seen as connected to someone like me. (Of course it is time now to remember that it is not all about me!! Hah!)
Thanks for reading so far in this verbose letter,
Joy

From: C Brady <usefulstringband@earthlink.net>
Date: Tue Feb 17, 2004 9:38:26 PM US/Eastern
To: fortydaysofpurpose@usefulstringband.com
Subject: Re: Day 15

On Monday, February 16, 2004, at 02:02 PM, Joyis1NChrst@aol.com wrote:

please pray for the salvation of my family of origin and the strength, courage and love on my part to honestly and openly share with them and not let them keep hurting me.

You are in my prayers. I have the same prayer for myself.

sometimes shocks or offends people and I don't know how to be "normal" around them because it is my story and my reality and therefore "normal" for me and when people get uncomfortable, it feels like rejection and that feels like I am not only not "normal" but terribly abnormal!

I have looked at your post in light of there being children on this list, and I don't see anything that is shocking or offensive. It seems unusual that someone would describe themselves in such detail to unknown strangers, and in that regard people may be taken aback. Of course, nobody has written any comments at all, so we have no way of knowing.

I am trying to be more involved in my true family. I need to be in a small group I think. The only real choice in my small congregation is to go to the women's Bible study on Wed. morning or the congregational Bible study on Wed. evening. but Wed. morning starts too early and is boring and Wed. evening is one of my 3 minimum recovery meetings a week. I do go to Adult Sunday School and talk there. I guess that helps.

I know how you feel! I know that there is a better small group experience than what I've had so far in my church. I've heard experiences described by Richard Foster and Chuck Swindol and others ... and they were talking from experience. I long for this experience. And today's reading (day 18) just reminded me of that. So far the groups I've been in have had fellowship in sharing and study, but not yet in serving and suffering. I pray for God to remove what there is in me that prevents this from happening.

One thing that Rick Warren brought up was Baptism. I was Baptized when I was 16. I think Rick Warren misses a huge important thing about Baptism. It isn't just a symbol of the fact that I am a member of God's family, nor is it just about me openly proclaiming my membership; it is in fact how we can be assured that we are members of God's family. Martin Luther (the Protestant Reformer of 1517) recommended that when the devil attacks we should proclaim, "I have been baptized." Scripture says "Whoever believes and is Baptized will be saved..." (Mark 16:16)

In larger context it seems to me that it is the believing that does the saving.:

15He said to them, "Go into all the world and preach the good news to all creation. 16Whoever believes and is baptized will be saved, but whoever does not believe will be condemned. 17And these signs will accompany those who believe: In my name they will drive out demons; they will speak in new tongues; 18they will pick up snakes with their hands; and when they drink deadly poison, it will not hurt them at all; they will place their hands on sick people, and they will get well."

and "Baptism now saves you." (1 Peter 3:21). How can water have this power? Well of course it is not the water alone, it is the combination of the water with the saving word of God, "I baptize you in the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit."

Matthew 3:11
"I baptize you with[ 3:11 Or in] water for repentance. But after me will come one who is more powerful than I, whose sandals I am not fit to carry. He will baptize you with the Holy Spirit and with fire.

Here are some commentary notes that I lifted from the Blue Letter Bible site
at
http://www.blueletterbible.org

First , looking in the Strongs concordance on "baptiso"

1) to dip repeatedly, to immerse, to submerge (of vessels sunk)
2) to cleanse by dipping or submerging, to wash, to make clean with water, to wash one's self, bathe
3) to overwhelm
++++
Not to be confused with 911, bapto. The clearest example that shows the meaning of baptizo is a text from the Greek poet and physician Nicander, who lived about 200 B.C. It is a recipe for making pickles and is helpful because it uses both words. Nicander says that in order to make a pickle, the vegetable should first be 'dipped' (bapto) into boiling water and then 'baptised' (baptizo) in the vinegar solution. Both verbs concern the immersing of vegetables in a solution. But the first is temporary. The second, the act of baptising the vegetable, produces a permanent change.

When used in the New Testament, this word more often refers to our union and identification with Christ than to our water baptism. e.g. Mark 16:16. 'He that believes and is baptised shall be saved'. Christ is saying that mere intellectual assent is not enough. There must be a union with him, a real change, like the vegetable to the pickle! Bible Study Magazine, James Montgomery Boice, May 1989.

and then some commentary on Acts 10:47 - I underline one section:

4. (44-48) These God-fearing Gentiles are saved, filled with the Holy Spirit and baptized

a. Their salvation: apparently, each one of these Gentiles responded to the message of Peter with believing faith in their hearts, so that they were actually saved while they listened

i. The moment of a person's salvation isn't necessarily when they raise a hand or come forward at an evangelistic invitation; it is more likely at the moment they surrender to God and embrace Jesus in the sincerity of their hearts

ii. Gentiles had probably been saved in the eight years since Pentecost; but they were saved as they embraced Judaism as well as Christianity; Gentiles may have been saved but they were saved as Jews, not Gentiles

b. Their filling with the Holy Spirit was accompanied by the demonstration of spiritual gifts; this was both a filling with the Holy Spirit in the sense that He indwells and abides in every believer, and a filling in the sense of a special empowering with gifts and graces from the Holy Spirit

i. The Jewish Christians present were amazed; they may have understood that God was now "starting" to love the Gentiles, but who would have thought God would fill Gentiles with the Holy Spirit the same as Jews?

ii. When they spoke with tongues, it was to magnify God, not to teach men; the audience was God, not man, consistent with the principle of 1 Corinthians 14:2

c. The baptism did not save them; it instead recognized the salvation they had already received

d. Isn't it great that Peter was willing to let the Holy Spirit interrupt his sermon? The Holy Spirit was doing the greater work in the hearts of those listening, and Peter went with the flow

and here's commentary on 1 Peter3:21-22:

Matthew Henry Commentary
...
1Pe 3:21-22

Noahís salvation in the ark upon the water prefigured the salvation of all good Christians in the church by baptism; that temporal salvation by the ark was a type, the antitype whereunto is the eternal salvation of believers by baptism, to prevent mistakes about which the apostle,

I. Declares what he means by saving baptism; not the outward ceremony of washing with water, which, in itself, does no more than put away the filth of the flesh, but it is that baptism wherein there is a faithful answer or restipulation of a resolved good conscience, engaging to believe in, and be entirely devoted to, God, the Father, Son, and Holy Ghost, renouncing at the same time the flesh, the world, and the devil. The baptismal covenant, made and kept, will certainly save us. Washing is the visible sign; this is the thing signified.

II. The apostle shows that the efficacy of baptism to salvation depends not upon the work done, but upon the resurrection of Christ, which supposes his death, and is the foundation of our faith and hope, to which we are rendered conformable by dying to sin, and rising again to holiness and newness of life. Learn, 1. the sacrament of baptism, rightly received, is a means and a pledge of salvation. Baptism now saveth us. God is pleased to convey his blessings to us in and by his ordinances, Acts 2:38; 22:16. 2. The external participation of baptism will save no man without an answerable good conscience and conversation. There must be the answer of a good conscience towards God.óObj. Infants cannot make such an answer, and therefore ought not to be baptized.óAnswer, the true circumcision was that of the heart and of the spirit (Rom. 2:29), which children were no more capable of then than our infants are capable of making this answer now; yet they were allowed circumcision at eight days old. The infants of the Christian church therefore may be admitted to the ordinance with as much reason as the infants of the Jewish, unless they are barred from it by some express prohibition of Christ.

When I was baptized I became a member of the family of God. I forget this. I forget that I am no worse than anyone else in my family. Making disciples of all nations is just a bunch of beggars telling other beggars where to find bread! I wish that I believed that deep in my heart. I spend so much time feeling less than, that I shy away from intimacy with others in the church.

Feeling "less than" or "worse than" is another side of the grandiosity coin. Nobody's as good at being bad as I am.

I'm grateful that you keep showing up Joy!
Love,
Cathy

From: "Jonathan C. Laabs" <laabsjc@worldnet.att.net>
Date: Wed Feb 18, 2004 7:36:41 PM US/Eastern
To: Cathy/Esau <usefulstringband@earthlink.net>
Subject: PDL - Baptism

Hi Cathy,

Thanks for your commentary on baptism. As you know, there are denominations
that practice infant baptism. We believe that the Holy Spirit works through
baptism to impart faith to the child. So I, by God's grace through baptism,
was given faith in Jesus as a 1 mth old baby -- and, through His ongoing
grace, am still His child 50 yrs later. :)

Thanks for hosting the PDL loop & serving as His instrument! :)

God's blessings,
June

-----------------------------------
From: C Brady <usefulstringband@earthlink.net>
Date: Tue Feb 17, 2004 9:13:36 AM US/Eastern
To: fortydaysofpurpose@usefulstringband.com
Subject:Day 16

Are relationships my first priority? How can I ensure that they are?

As I address this question today, I am staying away from people because I have a virus. I feel out of sorts and I don't want to spread the virus.

I am fortunate that my professional skills involve being employed with people. As an introvert who can be creative, it could be possible for me to avoid people even more than I do. I have a few family members who, by example, show me what this would be like. Staying away from people seems to make one increasingly fearful and angry... which makes one stay away from people... a spiraling cycle.

It takes some courage to risk social awkwardness and I get my strength from God. When I am out there under God's steam, precious things happen.

Cathy

From: Joyis1NChrst@aol.com
Date: Tue Feb 17, 2004 1:07:54 PM US/Eastern
To: fortydaysofpurpose@usefulstringband.com
Subject: Day 16

Dear God, I confess I am caught by this one. I spend so much time trying to prove to myself and others how much I love you. I spend so much time trying to get right with you, seek you & worship you aright that I wonder at my true motivations. Yes, at times my heart so longs for you that there is nothing else I can do, but other times I am still trying to earn your love. -- And then there are people -- they interrupt my time w you it seems. There are so many mornings when I am having this time w you & the phone rings or I am fellowshiping @ an online meeting and someone IM's me or I am on the phone w someone and my husband comes in. It seems I get my priorities confused. Am I thinking I am helping someone or gaining for myself when I should be doing the opposite?
     Today's lesson tells me to put the family of God first. My structured congregational family or my dear sisters in you from OA or elsewhere? I often think I should show more lover, give more time to the potential Christian in order that they might be attracted to you, like helping a newcomer fist in 12 steps.
     God I tell you that I want closeness w your ppl but then I am so afraid of intimacy in the congrgation. I feel so much less than them -- still not a "real" Christian or somehow I fear being mocked or misunderstood or shunned or pitied and never being equal to the other brethren. So wow, totalk self-centeredness there. I am looking @ church as what I can get, no what I give! Forgive me Lord.
     Now I am really afraid, afraid you are asking me to burn myself out by doing for others. I think I to never say, "no" to anyone and I know that is impossible. Show me how to live for you & your people, my true family. I pray for clarity, wisdom & opportunity to spend time w people. Hmmm-- I have often thought of spending time by calling members of my church and talking to them. Wake me up Lord and please grant me the energy I need to be present w others.
     Lord, today I have medical tests that are a little scary. You know in some ways I hope for the worst for then it will explain what is happening and I will be able to turn it over to you more easily. I so much more like concrete problems than emotional ones for myself. LOL, God, you have given me gifts to help others w emotional problems but I seem powerless to help myself. Ahh, and that is it, isn't it. I am powerless, you are powerful, I need to let you take over. May it be so.

-----------------------------------------------------------------

From: C Brady <usefulstringband@earthlink.net>
Date: Tue Feb 17, 2004 9:35:32 AM US/Eastern
To: fortydaysofpurpose@usefulstringband.com
Subject: Day 17

Does my level of involvement in my local church demonstrate that i love and am committed to God's family?

I have a lot of keys on my keychain. I feel especially blessed to have keys to some of the doors to my church. That means that in some ways my church is my home. I am not there every Sunday ... sometimes because of health, most of the times because of work obligations. I am there most Saturdays for the ESL class, and I have spurts where I am doing church related things round the clock. VBS is one time, the kickoff for this 40 day program was another.

In the five years I have been a member of my church I have come to know a wide variety of members. Because of my work, I have visited a few other churches and come to value my own home church more and more. There are things that I wish were different and I seem powerless to change, but just a look around at our congregation makes me feel I'm in the right place. We have a wonderful diversity of race, economic level and ages that seems unusual ... and yet we don't advertise or boast about it. It's just obvious to someone who is looking for that. As a habitual non-conformist I feel God has given me a place to "fit in".

Cathy

From: Joyis1NChrst@aol.com
Date: Wed Feb 18, 2004 12:01:06 PM US/Eastern
To: fortydaysofpurpose@usefulstringband.com
Subject: PDL- Day 17

Does my level of involvement in my church demonstrate that I love and am committed to God's family?

No, my level of involvement does not demonstrate that I love and am committed to God's family. I suddenly feel angry and resentful at the same time as sad and hopeless. I don't seem to be able to have a career-ministry at the same time as being involved in my local congregation. I have had life threatening problems over the fall/winter just passed and instead of turning to my local body for help I pulled back. I relied on pastor to support me while keeping my problems secret and then I was hurt because he couldn't give me enough or it felt like he minimized my problems. I was ashamed for thinking that because he was very, very willing to talk to me every day that I was in the hospital and pray with me and when I came home, to provide a space for me to do some internal work and he even talked to my doctor! I am so needy and ashamed for my neediness and that seems to be the very thing God wants me to admit -- I need help, I can't do this alone, I need the whole body -- At the same time I don't really get it that the body needs me. I was seeing clients AT the church but not FOR the church. I have thought that I might keep seeing clients in private practice AND give every Monday afternoon to seeing clients at the church. I have thought lately that all I can do is see clients AT the church. I closed my private practice and keep thinking, God, that you are calling me to start a counseling ministry at Grace.
     I tend to get my support from my pastor alone, my Christian therapist, my Christian doctors and my Christian OA friends -- my own private fellowship. I have judged those people who make up almost 1/2 of those in the US who call themselves Christian and who do not belong to a local church. But I belong and faithfully attend but don't really join w the others there. I asked my pastor if I could start a small group to do this PDL study for the 40 days of Lent and he felt like it would be too much on too short of notice. Then I began doing this w my friend and that only last less than 2 weeks and now I am doing this with another group of people outside of my own local body. I have my daily private time but no prayer partner -- esp. not in my local fellowship. I complain bitterly that there is not enough fellowship at my church but then I do not partake of what is there!!!
     Meanwhile my husband with whom I am intimately linked as one body in Christ, is separating himself from his work in the body of Christ as a minister. He is withdrawing entirely and saying he is going to just be an observer in the pew. In truth he hasn't been to church at all since resigning the beginning of January. God please heal this area of my life and our marriage. Show me your will for my life in your body -- esp. at Grace.
     I am scared that I am too weird, too needy, too selfish, too smart, too devout, too emotional, too judgmental, too fat, too committed to outside fellowship, too introspective, too wordy, etc...to be intimate w the other members of Grace. And here you have called me to chair the board of evangelism, the most important board in the church. God I do not have a clue even though many ideas float around in my head. My t talked w me about how I am afraid to want anything. Okay, Lord, I WANT to minister to your people, I WANT to have the privilege and joy of seeing others "get it", I WANT to help new people come to you esp. here at Grace, I WANT to love Grace and all the people in her, I WANT to develop a counseling ministry here at Grace that will attract people from the area to come and be healed, I WANT to be loved by the people at Grace, I WANT to grow in grace and in Grace so that you will be glorified! I cannot do this myself and neither can my pastor or any other members of the board alone. I pray for unity among the brethren. Forgive me, Lord, my continuing selfish fears. Make me bold for you. Amen.

-----------------

From: C Brady <usefulstringband@earthlink.net>
Date: Tue Feb 17, 2004 9:41:34 PM US/Eastern
To: fortydaysofpurpose@usefulstringband.com
Subject: Day 18

What one step can I take today to connect with another believer at a more genuine heart-to-heart level?

I can respond with sympathy when someone shares their feelings and struggles.
and/or
I can join the ministry effort of another.

Today I will respond to something that Joy writes to this list.
Today I will work on the material that my group leader, Margie, has prepared.
Today I will call or write to Joyce and tell her how the ESL group is doing. She's no longer active in the ministry because of her health, but I must remember that she did it faithfully for a very long time all on HER own before I committed myself to it. (and would like to have the degree of commitment that she had)

Your sister in Christ,
Cathy

From: Joyis1NChrst@aol.com
Date: Thu Feb 19, 2004 11:09:22 AM US/Eastern
To: fortydaysofpurpose@usefulstringband.com
Subject: PDL- Day 18

What one step could I take today to connect with another believer at a more genuine, heart to heart level?

When I first answered this question it was just before my first board of evangelism meeting. I thought that it would be a perfect opportunity to share who I was w my other board members. I wrote out a very shortened version of my story. My thought was that by being so open and honest it would encourage others to open up too and we would develop deeper relationships w one another. I thought God was giving me the courage to do this. Then at the meeting, there was no opportunity to do that. We have work to do and while I think we cannot get the work done well w/o knowing each other and bearing one another's burdens, I cannot figure out how to help that intimacy come to people.
Or is it just me that needs intimacy? Is it just me that feels less than or different? Is decorating for an Easter Egg hunt and hiding the eggs and getting Pastor to write up a little something to say about the symbols we are hiding in the eggs, enough? I have never been to an Easter Egg hunt or arranged one or even helped w one before so how the heck can I direct the planning and organizing of this one? It certainly fits one part of our church's vision, that of reaching families w children. And that is the part of the vision that I just don't identify w all that well. Am I not forward looking enough?
Lord thank you for my sponsee's call just now. I pray that you help him today to start writing for himself. Thank you that while I could not think of one step to take toward intimacy, you showed me that I could answer my phone and connect w another. I pray that you show me how I can connect w a fellow saint today. Thank you for my friend's great interest in you and desire to know about you and your word. I pray for willingness on my part to stand by her and to not enable her but to truly be of help. I pray for M and her hurt over our relationship changing. I ask for forgiveness for my attempts to fix her instead of loving her well. I pray for clarity around sharing myself w others as a way of intimacy. Thank you that pastor is better, I pray for complete healing for him. Thank you for his kindness toward me today already. Show me how I can be kind to him in return.
Thank you,
Joy
-------------------------------------------
From: Joyis1NChrst@aol.com
Date: Sat Feb 21, 2004 1:04:00 PM US/Eastern
To: fortydaysofpurpose@usefulstringband.com
Subject: Day 19

How can I help cultivate the characteristics of real community in my small group and church?

Well, yesterday's suggestion fell flat for me so far. Last time I wrote on this question I was dreaming about starting a 40 day journey for Lent w my fellow members of the body of Christ at Grace. Pastor felt it was too short of notice and suggested looking toward another time. He feels that whatever we do do we should do w excellence. So....I am thinking of starting 5 small groups. I would teach each of the 5 nights of the week as this is my job now. They would be on the books, Boundaries, Experiencing God, The 12-Steps for Christians, Wounded-Heart and this book, PDL. I think Boundaries could be followed by Seach for Significance;The 12-Steps for Christians by I Can't Be an Addict, I'm a Christian, followed by Bible Study using The Life Recovery Bible; and PDL by a basic Christian doctrinal study using Luther's Small Catechism. Actually I think the last should be the other way around, catechism first then this book. Each of these groups could become continuing small groups and lead to the goal of our church of offering daily worship opportunities.
I need to kick this off by talking to my other board members. So I am off to make some phone calls. Thanks God for the opportunity to think this through. Please remind me to listen to what is your will in this.
Love you,
Joy

--------------------------------
From: C Brady <usefulstringband@earthlink.net>
Date: Thu Feb 19, 2004 7:49:55 PM US/Eastern
To: fortydaysofpurpose@usefulstringband.com
Subject: Day 19[20]

With whom do I need to restore a broken relationship?

What a great chapter ... and what great day I've had to have it in context. I met with my own small group today for the first time (I had to visit other groups for the past two weeks).... and boy am I home! They are a very talkative, passionate, and frank group. So I felt very blessed to be in fellowship with them ... I think we went a bit beyond the fellowship of study and got into a little fellowship of service and suffering.

I asked my group to pray for a relationship I have wanted mending. It's a former student I owe amends to ... He was a rather unpleasant child and I thought it was my job to knock him down a peg or two. I want to tell him that I was wrong, that no teacher should try to humiliate a child. But I've been trying without success to remember his last name. Perhaps God will bring his name to my mind, or help me find the resources to find out.

I'm glad I wasn't underlining as I read today, because it seems that every paragraph deserved underlining. I can see if we take the suggestions in this chapter to heart that the Christian community would be very distinctive indeed!

I think I'm going to take out Andrew Murray's Humility and read it a fourth time.

with love to you dear sisters and brothers,
Cathy

-----------------------------
From: Joyis1NChrst@aol.com
Date: Mon Feb 23, 2004 12:28:17 PM US/Eastern
To: fortydaysofpurpose@usefulstringband.com
Subject: Days 20,21 and 22

I don't know how I keep getting behind. I do know that Sunday's are hard for me since I do this as my morning devotion and on Sunday I am getting ready for church and then being in church so I don't remember to get to it. But where did 3 days come in? And I am always one day behind anyway!

Who do I need to restore a broken relationship with today?

Is it me? My inside selves? It makes sense since I began with self-recriminations about being behind. 38 days ago I asked if I needed to make amends w someone that I didn't really care if I made amends with. This morning a sponsee didn't call and I remembered I had dismissed something he said and might have hurt him. In both cases I think I might have hurt someone but I don't have enough emotional attachment to stir up the effort to do something about it. If I was worried about what they thought of me on the other hand, I would probably do something in a hot minute. But that would probably be something manipulative. Sigh.
38 days ago I also wrote: "God, I don't want Dorothy's (inside part)story to be a part of me. I don't want to let all those others be a part of me. I want to be Joy and not K***. I want to be whole without feeling their stuff. It seemed so easy. Is this a conflict that needs resolving too? Within myself? I can't do this God. You know I don't believe any of it is true. Didn't I have a good childhood? Wasn't I really a happy kid? I don't know what happened. I don't want to know. I guess I will remain broken."
And here I am stuck, unwilling to reconcile myself to being myself and unwilling to make amends to others I may have hurt....well, actually I will call the sponsee after I am done here and I will go to therapy today too. Have mercy, O Lord.

.... cont below

-------------------------------------
From: C Brady <usefulstringband@earthlink.net>
Date: Sun Feb 22, 2004 8:30:31 AM US/Eastern
To: fortydaysofpurpose@usefulstringband.com
Subject: Day 21

I seem to have misnumbered 20 and skipped a day somewhere.

Day 21: What am I personally doing to protect church unity right now?

Our church has a wonderful diversity and I try to know people from different age, cultural, economic groups.

I'm keeping my mouth shut about my specific opinions about current events and event shapers. And that's not easy.

I do try to express my opinions in a general way that all can agree with. I am blessed to be American, grateful to be American, but not always proud.

Cathy

What am I personally doing to protect the unity in my church family now?

I am faithfully attending church. I am not gossiping. I am working closely w pastor and the board on plans to grow us. I lovingly and prayerfully voice my opinions (something I have always in the past been terrified to do!) and then I seek reconciliation w those who get out voted. Yesterday we passed a resolution to start having a second service on Sunday. It was a close vote and I was concerned that those who were victorious should not gloat over those who didn't want it. I did not say so to the whole group and I wish I had! God forgive my timidity. I think I will call Pastor and see if he might want to say something publically.

Joy
------------------------------------

From: C Brady <usefulstringband@earthlink.net>
Date: Sun Feb 22, 2004 8:46:16 AM US/Eastern
To: fortydaysofpurpose@usefulstringband.com
Subject:Day 22

In what area of my life do I need to ask the Spirit's power to be like Christ today?

Short answer: all of 'em.

Relationships, service, temperance, worship, humility....

Cathy

In what area of my life do I need to ask for the Spirit's power to be like Christ today?

01-20-04 I need to become more Christ-like in 2 areas especially. 1. Relying on God for all my needs. Trusting and therefore not worrying. (02-23-04 Yesterday the chair of the Vision committee called me a worrier! I was so surprised, lol, like I thought it didn't show!) and 2. Being bold and loving together, speaking my opinion w confidence AND humility. (These areas are both still true areas needing work today!)

Thanks for reading,
Joy

--------------------------
From: C Brady <usefulstringband@earthlink.net>
Date: Mon Feb 23, 2004 8:17:19 AM US/Eastern
To: fortydaysofpurpose@usefulstringband.com
Subject: day 23

What is one area where I need to stop thinking my way and start thinking God's way?

Humility, humility, humility. That was Jesus's model. One area is of my importance. God is the agent of true change, not me.

Cathy

From: Joyis1NChrst@aol.com
Date: Tue Feb 24, 2004 12:15:01 PM US/Eastern
To: fortydaysofpurpose@usefulstringband.com
Subject: PDL- Day 23

What is one area where I need to stop thinking my way and start thinking God's way?

When I read this today I started thinking about the conflict I have w what my Christian therapist, pastor and Christian psychiatrist all want me to do. Then I read what I wrote on Jan. 21 about this topic and found that it was the same thing then! It strikes me now that I lost my abstinence again on Jan 25th but then got solidly abstinent (btw dear reader, abstinence for me means abstaining from compulsive eating not fasting.) on the 26th and by your Grace, dear Jesus, thank you so much, I have remained abstinent since then. It is so good to not be caught up in the horrible bingeing. But I digress.
Dear God, all of these people think we should have an internal meeting every day. They say that when I spend time with you, I should also spend time with me and all of me. I have this conflict that if I accept the parts as being real and their stories as real, I will be accepting a delusion and a lie and that will damn me forever so that I can never be well and I can never fully walk w you and I can never help others. On the other hand I KNOW that when I do accept my inside self(ves) and my whole story, I get better and better and better! I start to have hope for a future and to experience you in a deeper way.
My thinking gets me into shame, despair, hopelessness and eventually into the food and from there to suicidal ideation and finally to try it. My thinking gets me into being paralyzed w fear and unable to serve you or yours. My thinking got me to over 400 pounds and chronically being hospitalized. When I got into letting someone else help me think and when I got into surrendering to your will EVEN when it seemed contrary to MY understanding of your will; then my life began to change and improve and I began to be able to minister to your children and to praise you. And that certainly is more Christ-like!
Lord, you know the desires of my heart. I want to worship you and glorify you in all that I do. Please guide and direct me today, all of me, all of us, to know and do your will. Amen,
Love, Joy
-----------------------------------------------

From: C Brady <usefulstringband@earthlink.net>
Date: Tue Feb 24, 2004 10:58:42 PM US/Eastern
To: fortydaysofpurpose@usefulstringband.com
Subject: Day 24 - I'm not superwoman!

What has God already told me in his Word that I haven't started doing yet?

Having just completed the "fellowship" section, I'd say that the fellowship area is my weakest and all the things the Bible tells me to do with my fellow believers, I have not done.

Two of my clients were given the Purpose Driven Life book in their church. They are really enthused about the prospect of participating in their church program. Unfortunately they are illiterate. So I considered a project of recording CD's for them of the book chapters. It's too big a task. I don't have the time. There are probably other things on my daily "to-do" list that are me trying to be more accomplished than obedient.

That's all I have for today. I look forward to hearing what you have to say.
Cathy

From: Joyis1NChrst@aol.com
Date: Wed Feb 25, 2004 11:17:32 AM US/Eastern
To: fortydaysofpurpose@usefulstringband.com
Subject: PDL-Day 24

What has God already told me to do in His word that I haven't started doing yet?

Here are the things, Lord, which you have asked me to do in your Word that after being yours for over 31 years I still find myself not doing regularly. I want to hide in shame but the blood of Jesus washes me and makes me bold today and I will not hide.

1. Daily reading of scripture. It was 4 months this fall/winter that I did not have my Bible by my bedside to read every night. Even now that it is back in its rightful place, I have neglected some nights.

2. Daily meditation on Scripture. I have been hit and miss w this study and I have not looked up every scripture or even most of them althought I am aware that Rick Warren kind of randomly chooses which translation that suits his purpose and I think I should look at the other versions of that verse or at the Greek or Hebrew text. I have completely given up my meditations on your character and names, God.

3. Daily prayer. I do pray every day, I pray often and at any given moment but not in this focused way.

4. Regular fellowship w the saints. I am not consistent. Again with this relapse over the fall/winter, I missed weeks and weeks of church. I still don't go to women's Bible study and I am often late to Adult Sunday School. I have begun to neglect my fellowship w M and H and the Christian Compulsive Eaters Anonymous meeting. I am not sure what direction you want me to go with that, God.

5. Studying the Bible. I am better again at reading it, but not really studying. As I said above, not since I began this study in early December have I really spent time looking intently at verses and meanings and history.

6. Memorizing Scripture. I have no ongoing plan for this. I have not really spent time in Scripture memorization for many many years. I tend to remember passages but not where they are located.

I guess I have started doing all these things. I cannot think of anything I have not at least started. It is my faithfulness that is the real problem. God help me to serve you and yours with better consistency. And now, please help me to have an internal meeting again. One day at a time sweet Jesus.

From: C Brady <usefulstringband@earthlink.net>
Date: Wed Feb 25, 2004 1:19:57 PM US/Eastern
To: fortydaysofpurpose@usefulstringband.com
Subject: Re: PDL-Day 24

Your inactivity in these areas may turn out to serve God's purpose, in that it reminds ME of what I'm not doing. Probably others too. Thanks for listing these so coherently. That's why it's good that we communicate with one another.
Love,
Cathy
----------------------------------------
From: C Brady <usefulstringband@earthlink.net>
Date: Wed Feb 25, 2004 2:39:21 PM US/Eastern
To: fortydaysofpurpose@usefulstringband.com
Subject: Day 25 - accidents are incidents in God's plan

What problem in my life has caused the greatest growth in me?

Addictions that took away my pride and self-reliance, and my really rotten choices in men. I learned to live through economic straits and learned that Jesus was my best friend.

I've contacted my clients' church to find out if they can be given tapes, what their forty day schedule is, and if they can hook up with a small group.

Today or tomorrow, millions will be going to see the Passion movie. I think I can feel it in the air.

Your sister,
Cathy

PDL-Day 25 originally 01-31-04 (edited 02-29-04)

What problem in my life has caused the greatest growth in me?

Trial: Being born a food addict. Being born and gifted with the creativity to create my own worlds. Being smarter than average.

Temptation: To overeat for comfort rather than rely on God alone. To dissociate and live in a fantasy world rather than trust God that I can live whole in His world.

Tresspass: The sexual, verbal, emotional, mental and physical abuse perpretrated by my father, mother, brothers and husband. The rejection by my sister for telling.

Trouble: Obesity and all its other physical symptoms. Confusion & chaos in my mind, relationship to self, others & God.

I do not know where to put the reoccurring fear that I will go to hell-that I was created for hell-that God knows I am so evil He will not deliver me. I do not know where it comes in. Is it a Trial sent by God to refine me and drive me to His arms? Is it a Temptation sent by Satan to bring me to despair? Is it a Tresspass brainwashed into me? Or is it a Trouble I have brought on myself & resulting from my own guilty shame & pride that keeps me from repenting?

My being a food addict and a dissociator and having to work through those faulty coping mechanisms by realizing that I am powerless over them, that God wants to free me from them and by surrendering & letting go so He can produce through the greatest suffering, pain, confusion, fear, worry, rage, frustration and by breaking free achieve the greatest comfort, pleasure, clarity, wisdom, courage, serenity, patience, kindness, compassion & joy I have ever known.

I fear I have a pattern though of sliding back so I can re-experience the good _ sinning that grace may abound? Oh, God, forbid and forgive! Have mercy and use all of this to bring me into your will and way so that you are glorified. In Jesusí name, Amen.
Joy
-----------------------------------

From: Joyis1NChrst@aol.com
Date: Thu Feb 26, 2004 10:22:23 AM US/Eastern
To: fortydaysofpurpose@usefulstringband.com
Subject: PDL-not able to write for awhile

Hi brethren,
I am having to write this morning on a friend's computer but I am still signed on to AOL and my new account only allows me 5 hours a month dial-up. I will have no other way to connect for a few days or weeks because I am going to stay at a friend's. She is having surgery this morning so please pray for her. Her name is Debbie. So forgive me for stopping this study. I have already packed my books so can't even write today. But I am taking them with me to keep writing. God bless you all as you continue your study as well. If I don't connect w you again, see you on the other side!
Joy

From: C Brady <usefulstringband@earthlink.net>
Date: Thu Feb 26, 2004 10:41:46 PM US/Eastern
To: fortydaysofpurpose@usefulstringband.com
Subject: Day 26- on self-control and temptation

Doggone this has been one tough day for me with regard to gossip.
Completely unrelated to my morning gossip problem, I got a call from my
folks this evening who were frantic about my brother and wanted my
advice ... well they didn't want the advice I had actually because I
said "let him get evicted, it might be the best thing for him" . But I
thought I handled them in a very mature manner and I didn't bad mouth
anybody. And when I got off the phone I felt so darn mature that I
called up my sister and took everybody's inventory!!! Now I feel like
I've eaten a bucket of poop. Which may be a good thing because I don't
feel like bingeing with that image in my head.

Just thought I'd pass that on.
Cathy

Day 26

What Christlike character quality could I develop by defeating the most common temptation I face?

First I have to know what is the most common temptation I face: Is it to binge? Or is it to ìcheatî just a little? Is it to have extra food, or to have sugar? Is it to dissociate and avoid life? Or is it to despair because Iíve done these things or been tempted to do them? They are all temptations: If I resist the temptation to binge but thoroughly enjoy all the delicious healthy food god has given me, I will develop Christlikeness in that I wonít be gluttonous but I will be accused of it. Hmmm, I need to think about that one. If I resist the temptation to have just a little more food, or a little sugar, I can develop the Christlike character of honesty and integrity. If I resist the temptation to dissociate, I will develop integrity here too, for I will not run away. I will also develop patience and persistence. If I resist the temptation to despair, I will develop the Godly quality of hope. If I stop being upset that I am even tempted at all, I will be truly worshiping God rather than trying to recreate myself as perfect so I (and all the others) can worship me! I will develop the Christlike quality of humility.

Day 27

Who could I ask to be a spiritual partner to help me defeat a persistent temptation by praying for me?

Well I already have Larry & all my OA friends to resist the devil & pray for me over food temptations. I also have CIR, PDL & Recovery in Christ email support. I have my husband and my pastor. Pastor E prays for me regarding sexual temptation (maybe since he has moved on I need someone to be accountable to now, for thatóI havenít talked to Larry about my slips since my food relapse.)
What I really desire is a small group. I committed and started going to Womenís Bible Study but gave up cuz I couldnít consistently be up for it and quite frankly I wasnít up 4 reading through the Bible from Genesis over a 2 year period. That perhaps is not very spiritual of me but it is the truth.
God, I pray for a small group of eager Christians who regularly are in your Word to get together weekly to pray for one another and share what scriptures you have been giving them in the week & what you have been doing in their lives. It seems our Christian Compulsive Eaters Anonymous group has dissolved. M is in relapse, H is too undependable, I am long distance and my cell wonít work reliably in my new apt. and nobody else has been long term. Do you want us to revive this w a face to face meeting? Where? Do you want us to make it a nationally reachable conference call number phone meeting?
-Joy
-------------------------------------------------

From: Drew <Drew@usefulstringband.com>
Date: Sat Feb 28, 2004 9:37:06 AM US/Eastern
To: fortydaysofpurpose@usefulstringband.com
Subject: Day 27 - got one

Who could I ask to be a spiritual partner to help me defeat a persistent temptation by praying for me?

I already have at least one, probably three, thanks to the internet. It also does me a world of good to pray for others with similar temptations.

Cathy

Day 28

In what area of my spiritual growth do I need to be patient and persistant?

I need to be patient with the fact that I still have character defects and that I still sin. Oh, donít get me wrong I donít mean I need to tolerate sin, but I need to not be shocked when I fall. I am not perfect, I am not God and to ever think I could be is simply sick pride. My problem is that I think when things are good they will never not be. And then when the high wears off I think it is the end of the world. When I am having a hard time it is the same, I think things will never be good again and I begin to despair and think Iím going to hell. What extremes! I need to remember, ìthis too shall passî and just wait and be patient with myself.
I need to persist in doing the next indicated thing. I need to make my bed, say my prayers, eat my breakfast, wash my face, vacuum my rug, go grocery shopping, go to the meeting at church, go to worshipÖand just keep going one day at a time.

-Joy
-----------------------------------------

From: C Brady <usefulstringband@earthlink.net>
Date: Sat Feb 28, 2004 12:16:03 PM US/Eastern
To: fortydaysofpurpose@usefulstringband.com
Subject: Day 28

In what area of my spiritual life do I need to be more patient and more persistent?

Most recently I have fallen short in my wish to stay away from gossip. It is so easy to call gossip "concern" or "being informed". Where did I read it? - "if I am not part of the problem or part of the solution, then it's gossip" That's helpful.

I also find that my surrender to God's will is a continuing process. I think I've surrendered all of me.... and then I find a part that I have still reserved control over.

BTW, since we're talking about spiritual disciplines today let me plug my two favorite authors on the subject : Dallas Willard and Richard Foster. Both can be found at
http://www.renovare.org/

...and if you are interested in forming and accountability group based on the Renovaré model, please contact me. Talk about patience! I've yearned to be in one for about three years now. I'll be going to a Renovaré retreat in Colorado this year. I'm looking forward to meeting some authors of some of those books I enjoy.

I also am interested in getting involved with Celebrate Recovery. I've been to some of the meetings in the area, but I'd like to find/start one that can meet in the midday hours when I am free. These are the meetings I've been to. Each is very different - reflecting some of the atmosphere of where they meet. Christina's story was featured in the Maranatha Manna last year. God is awsome! If you would like to be involved in getting one going at Immanuel Baptist, I'd like to work with you.

Cathy

Thursday 7pm (about 2 hours)
Oak Ridge Baptist Church
Contact: Ted Burns
29945 Dixon Road
Salisbury, MD 21804
Tel: (410) 742-4424
eMail: recovery@orbc.net

Monday 6:30pm
New Beginnings Outreach
Contact: Christina Young
128 Willow Street
Pocomoke City, MD 21851
Tel: (410) 957-0353
eMail: livgforhim@aol.com

Day 28

In what area of my spiritual growth do I need to be patient and persistant?

Joy
-------------------------------------------
From: C Brady <usefulstringband@earthlink.net>
Date: Sat Feb 28, 2004 9:04:42 PM US/Eastern
To: fortydaysofpurpose@usefulstringband.com
Subject: Day 29 - getting down to service

What is holding me back from accepting God's call to serve Him?

Today Jack and Tom bought an audio reading of the Purpose Driven Life book, so they can do the 40 course with Allen Memorial (who should be on page 7 today). I am burning
Tom his own set of CD's so I've had a chance to listen to some of the earlier chapters again.

Once again I'm struck with the challenge to do less, so that I can focus the action of my life toward my purpose. And, in my life, today's question relates to that. I really enjoy being useful and working on things that others can use.

I was blessed with many talents and have found that teaching is a great way to use them all. In today's ESL class I led the class ins singing She'll be comin' 'round the mountain to illustrate contractions, I drew a picture of a foot to show a heel (not a he'll), and I had study sheets made with my computer. But I came to class a little unprepared because I have different bags for all my projects and I forgot the citizenship bag.

I'm distracted... taking care of email correspondence for the guys, sprouting alfalfa, making special soups from scratch, making vegetable juice on the juicer, ironing, taping tv shows on the VCR, .... all this (and more that I can't remember just now) is all OPTIONAL stuff. I create my own pressure! And I worked 82 hours last week! It wasn't hard work and I justify being so tied up with the fact that it's fun and I'm good at it. .... but I know I'd be better at anything if I were more focused.

I took two things off my daily checklist: exercise and counting calories. These are time consuming, I usually don't do them, and if I'm living right, not necessary. I added two things: tell someone that God loves them and talk to God out loud with my mouth and my breath. I did these the other day and it made all the difference.

Just to show I have a long ways to go in this regard, today I started a new project - I want to sing Donnie McClurkin's "We fall down, but we get up". All I need is a choir (Eddy?), sheet music for the choir and time. I have the soundtrax and I'll play it in the car for a several months.

sigh,
Cathy

From: Joyis1NChrst@aol.com
Date: Mon Mar 1, 2004 3:08:46 PM US/Eastern
To: fortydaysofpurpose@usefulstringband.com
Subject: PDL-Day 29

What's holding me back from accepting God's call to serve Him?

I amswered this on my own a few days ago and having read that I want to say more or different now. Then I was saying what holds me back is my own fear. I was struggling once again w fear of my family of origin. I give them entirely too much power. I fear them more than I fear the Lord. I also fear being found wanting by the other members of the body of Christ. And in general I fear being found out to be a fraud. I am so often disconnected from my feelings and do a lot of acting in order to function in this world. In fact, I have a personality called Kelly Lynn Baker whose main job inside of me is to act like any of the other personalities when those ones can't or won't come out but need to do so. LOL, wow, do I complicate things!
And that very complication sometimes overwhelms me and that keeps me from doing what God calls me to do too many days of the week. KISS, keep it simple stupid!
So today how can I serve, Lord? I washed my friend's dishes and I got her connected w another mutual friend who was looking for her since her surgery. I started organizing a meeting here for Tuesday afternoon. I am going w my husband for his first appointment with the clinic where they are doing the Diabetes research program into which he has been accepted, Thank you, Lord for getting him in to that. So, I guess today there are no obstacles to my serving. Please keep me abstinent today and Lord, I'd like to go to the meeting at 5:30 before the meeting at 6:30 at church. I don't have dinner packed, or lunch so I pray for cheap salad bars near where I go today. Lord, it has been said that when one fails to plan, one plans to fail. Have mercy on me for not planning better today and protect my abstinence. For Jesus' sake I pray, love, Joy

-----------------

From: C Brady <usefulstringband@earthlink.net>
Date: Sun Feb 29, 2004 9:39:58 PM US/Eastern
To: fortydaysofpurpose@usefulstringband.com
Subject: Day 30 - spiritual gifts and heart

God works through different people in different ways but it is the same God who achieves his purpose through them all. 1 cor 12:6
1 Corinthians 12
4There are different kinds of gifts, but the same Spirit. 5There are different kinds of service, but the same Lord. 6There are different kinds of working, but the same God works all of them in all men.
7Now to each one the manifestation of the Spirit is given for the common good. 8To one there is given through the Spirit the message of wisdom, to another the message of knowledge by means of the same Spirit, 9to another faith by the same Spirit, to another gifts of healing by that one Spirit, 10to another miraculous powers, to another prophecy, to another distinguishing between spirits, to another speaking in different kinds of tongues,[

1] and to still another the interpretation of tongues.[2] 11All these are the work of one and the same Spirit, and he gives them to each one, just as he determines.
12The body is a unit, though it is made up of many parts; and though all its parts are many, they form one body. So it is with Christ. 13For we were all baptized by[3] one Spirit into one body--whether Jews or Greeks, slave or free--and we were all given the one Spirit to drink.
14Now the body is not made up of one part but of many.

study notes from Chuck Smith:
v. 10 ...Discerning of spirits is the ability to discriminate between the Spirit of God and the spirit of Satan (Revelation 2:2).

strong's:
diakrisis {dee-ak'-ree-sis}

I've often been interested in seeing evidence of how I was "changed" when I asked Jesus to be Lord of my life. Two things come up. One is that I lost stage fright and am able to play violin or sing in front of a crowd. This change was so sudden that I'm sure it has something to do with the Holy Spirit ... tho I'm not quite sure what.
The other is that I seemed to have become able to "recognize" the Holy Spirit in others. These are my words for the experience I had as a born again Christian in meeting strangers who also loved Christ: taxi drivers, car salespersons ... etc. So I'm guessing this is what the Bible calls discernment.

It's actually quite useful in being a teacher, because one of the most important elements in teaching is diagnosis.

In what ways can I see myself passionately serving others and loving it?

I was raised to feel that a person could have a vocation and was taught to "follow my bliss" (as Joseph Campbell would say). I was also taught that service was important. My Dad was a YMCA director (like Amy's dad!) and never made as much money as his friends and professional peers did. Our wealth was counted by how effective we were. Dad's protégées are his greatest treasure.
So I've learned to pause and ask myself "Am I having fun?" in any work I do. And I have found work to be so much fun, that I'm not much for doing "play" stuff unless it's more fun than work.
Currently I do three things : work helping retarded adults live as independently as they can, tutoring kids who have to be missing school, and teaching English and citizenship to recent immigrants.

I had the skills to play music for the Spanish congregation but I didn't have the heart or health for it. I seem to like musical projects that don't involve long term commitment.

s - spiritual gifts as a means of helping entire church
gift envy, gift projection
h - heart , ....... desires, hopes, etc. enthusiasm, effectiveness, "passion drives perfection"
a - abilities
p - personality
e - experiences

You all are in my prayers,
Cathy

--------------------------------
From: C Brady <usefulstringband@earthlink.net>
Date: Mon Mar 1, 2004 10:25:07 PM US/Eastern
To: fortydaysofpurpose@usefulstringband.com
Subject: Day 31 -

I had a wisdom tooth extracted today, so I'm a little wiped out.

God has given each of you some special abilities, be sure to use them to help each other passing on to others God's many kinds of blessings. 1 peter 4:10

What God-given ability or personal experience can I offer to my church?

The experience of the 40 day kickoff dinner theater was so great for me! What a wonderful way to see how the diversity of gifts in our church members could come together in a fellowship experience! And I enjoyed creating something that had humor and some internal thematic consistency. This is something I did years ago when I wrote a teacher's manual and other educational elements for the Maryland Science Center math exhibit. (It's all on my website now)

What can I do in the future? Continue to teach ESL and quit complaining that nobody else is showing up to help ... it's not as if others are doing nothing. I see people in our church doing all sorts of service (and this study helps me notice better too).
Continue to help with VBS and other temporary projects. Perform musically in a variety of church settings.

Notes:
Applying your abilities - natural talent
good at: harmonizing music, drawing, certain types of writing, speaking clearly,
identifying and diagnosing educational needs, drama, logic and critical thinking,
finding way while driving, gauging time, sensing discomfort, algebra
bad at: likes pressure, but can't work under the gun, hostessing, remembering names
and faces and personal details, small talk, sports, being consistent (health problems),
expressing compassion, memorizing scripts and lyrics, singing in choir (asthma and
too loud), partying
Personality - INTJ, divergent thinker, cynical optimist?, bit of a "know-it-all",
usually sees the funny side of things, advocate, fiercely independent
Employing your experiences -
family - mental illness in family, strong cultural heritage, diversity
education - strong liberal arts, strong cultural literacy, history major,
education major, math major,
domestic skills - cooking, gardening, canning, sewing,
vocational - rural, suburban, urban, blue collar and white collar,
lifelong learning situations
spiritual - familiar with Islamic slant, new age points of view, can vividly recall
rebirth in Christ,
ministry - people with special needs, people from other countries, teaching children,
song leading, performing
painful experiences - family mental illness and childhood abuse, parenting trouble
with adolescent, relationship troubles with alcoholics, eating disorder and
obesity, lifelong arthritis, back surgery, being in a religious minority, being a
racial minority, single parenthood and financial difficulties, death of significant
other, teaching in inner city public school system, learning a foreign language,
social awkwardness,

God never wastes a hurt,
He comforts us in our troubles so that we can comfort....
faults, failures, fears
-------------------------

From: C Brady <usefulstringband@earthlink.net>
Date: Tue Mar 2, 2004 2:05:17 PM US/Eastern
To: fortydaysofpurpose@usefulstringband.com
Subject: incident opportunity for growth

As most of you know, I work taking care of some developmentally disabled guys. One of them blends in pretty well, but the other two would never "blend in" anywhere. When T. sneezes in Walmart, the whole place goes quiet.

Some weeks ago T. was attending church with a housemate and he went forward to join the church and be baptized. He brought home a card which I filled out for him and he put it in the collection plate the next week. I've known T. for four years and think he is a sincere Christian albeit no great theologian.

He and his roommate recently came home from church each enthused about receiving the Purpose Driven Life book and they said that the church had study groups and they'd like to join one. They mentioned this a few times during the week, so I called the church to ask if they could join a group. I also asked if there were any tapes of the book available since the guys couldn't read. This Saturday I took J. to the Gospel shop to buy a CD of the book and then I burned a copy for Tom to use (and have downloaded it for me... it's more vivid to me to hear than to read, btw). Then T. helped J. buy a CD player and learn how to use it. In the past few days they have been listening to the first 11 chapters (about 2.5 hours of listening total). They spent their own money on this stuff. (they earn about $70 a week)

The church secretary got back to me with a message from the discipleship pastor that small groups had already started and that Sunday school would be enough to meet the needs of my guys. I suspected that they were being denied access to small groups because of their disabilities. I tried to get directly in touch with the pastor to verify my suspicions. No reply.

This Sunday the bulletin said that small groups were still accepting members. Also, there had been a baptism for several people. I sent the pastor an e-mail asking about small groups and also about follow-up to T's request at baptism. Today I received a call from the pastor saying that he had decided he would not allow the guys to join a small group because in his judgment it was inappropriate and that the small groups were like "group therapy" which my guys could not handle. I told him that I thought he was underestimating the Christians in his church.

After I hung up, I realized that we had not discussed baptism, so I called back and asked about that. He said that he would contact us "when another baptism was coming up."

You all who know me can probably visualize the steam coming out of my ears, so I won't bother to vent my feelings here. After some prayer, I have a plan of action (or inaction). I will tell the guys what the pastor decided. I will not try to discourage T. from joining that church because that is his decision. And it might be God's will that they learn how to deal with T. as a member.

I haven't dealt with this as perfectly as I might wish, but I've shown a lot more restraint than I might have a few forty days ago.

Your sister transforming in Christ,
Cathy

--------------------------------
From: C Brady <usefulstringband@earthlink.net>
Date: Tue Mar 2, 2004 10:23:12 PM US/Eastern
To: fortydaysofpurpose@usefulstringband.com
Subject: Day 32 - the seventh CD out of 8

2 Timothy 2
15Do your best to present yourself to God as one approved, a workman who does not need to be ashamed and who correctly handles the word of truth.

How can I make the best use of what God has given me?

At first I thought this chapter was preaching to my choir, but there were some important points that challenged me. As I intimated yesterday, comparing with others has gotten me into trouble. Today's chapter makes that clearer to me and shows why.

So to answer the question... focusing on the task will be more fruitful than if I compare my ministry to what others are doing. And remember I'm doing the task for God's glory, not some person's glory.

passing thought: I like to work alone, but I like to cooperate more than compete.

------------------------------
From: C Brady <usefulstringband@earthlink.net>
Date: Tue Mar 2, 2004 10:23:12 PM US/Eastern
To: fortydaysofpurpose@usefulstringband.com
Subject: Day 32 - the seventh CD out of 8

2 Timothy 2
15Do your best to present yourself to God as one approved, a workman who does not need to be ashamed and who correctly handles the word of truth.

How can I make the best use of what God has given me?

passing thought: I like to work alone, but I like to cooperate more than compete.

Begin forwarded message:

From: C Brady <usefulstringband@earthlink.net>
Date: Wed Mar 3, 2004 7:36:02 AM US/Eastern
To: fortydaysofpurpose@usefulstringband.com
Subject: Re: NACR Daily Meditation for Wednesday, Mar 3, 2004

Quoting this morning's mail .... apropos to transformation.

On Wednesday, March 3, 2004, at 03:00 AM, nacrmed-admin@nacronline.com wrote:

God is not interested in appearances. God is not
interested in performances. It is not God's plan for us to 'look good'. God's
work will be deeper and necessarily more painful than this. The transformation
we need will take place at the core of our being.

This may seem impossibly difficult to us. But it is not impossible for God.
It is out of 'his glorious riches' that God can strengthen us. God is not
helpless in the face of our brokenness. God is a resource-full God.

I have worked hard to look good on the outside, Lord.
But, it has done no good.
It hasn't worked.
I am not what I appear to be.
I need to heal from the inside.
Only you can do that, Lord.
Come Holy Spirit, to my inner being.
Come Christ, dwell in my heart.
Heal and strengthen me in the depths of my person.
Out of your riches, strengthen me.
Amen.

Begin forwarded message:

Quoting this morning's mail .... apropos to transformation.

On Wednesday, March 3, 2004, at 03:00 AM, nacrmed-admin@nacronline.com wrote:

Begin forwarded message:

From: C Brady <usefulstringband@earthlink.net>
Date: Wed Mar 3, 2004 7:38:07 AM US/Eastern
To: fortydaysofpurpose@usefulstringband.com
Subject: RE: incident opportunity for growth

On Tuesday, March 2, 2004, at 02:05 PM, C Brady wrote:

After some prayer, I have a plan of action (or inaction). I will tell the guys what the pastor decided. I will not try to discourage T. from joining that church because that is his decision. And it might be God's will that they learn how to deal with T. as a member.

Last night a Faith team came over to talk with T. about baptism and joining the church. Their understanding of the PDL small groups was that it was for people who couldn't get to Sunday school (children's Sunday school teachers for example).

I mentioned that someone had said that the guys demanded a lot of attention. I suggested that if Tom got too noisy, the solution would be to remind him to be quiet. Not to beat around the bush or drop hints (which he might now understand). Just say "be quiet" and he would.

-----------------

Begin forwarded message:

From: C Brady <usefulstringband@earthlink.net>
Date: Wed Mar 3, 2004 7:38:07 AM US/Eastern
To: fortydaysofpurpose@usefulstringband.com
Subject: RE: incident opportunity for growth

On Tuesday, March 2, 2004, at 02:05 PM, C Brady wrote:

Begin forwarded message:

From: Joyis1NChrst@aol.com
Date: Wed Mar 3, 2004 11:35:50 AM US/Eastern
To: fortydaysofpurpose@usefulstringband.com
Subject: PDL-Day 31

What God given ability or personal experience could I offer to my church?

     I can write. I can speak. I can counsel one to one. I can mediate between people in conflict. I can organize events--parties for example--and figure out themes and decor. I can teach. I can read scripture. I can talk to people about Jesus fairly easily. I can share openly about my struggles. I can sing. I can play the organ a little. I can do web research. I can count money if someone helps me. I can clean. I can shop for bargains. I can knit a little.
     I can relate to cancer survivors. I can relate to those in poverty. I can budget well enough to live below the poverty level. I can minister to those who have suffered abuse, those with eating disorders, those w other kinds of addictions, those w chronic mental illness--especially those lost in the system. I can minister to those struggling w spouse abuse.
      So, if I can do all these things, Lord, why don't I do them? Am I grandiose to think I really can do such a variety and number of things? I feel overwhelmed for while I can do these things, I can't do them all together. To do one thing well I need to be able to choose one thing.
       The vision of my congregation is to help families w children and to provide daily worship opportunities to a diverse backround of people in our community.
        I don't know how to relate to couples w children or to children! I had a terrible family life and I never was able to have children. And I am not a pastor or a true musician so what can I offer for worship services? I can read scripture and sing in a choir is about it and those are sure not things I am as passionate about as ministering one to one with hurting adults. ...I do think I might learn to do counselig w children as I thoroughly enjoyed doing play therapy w my young teen clients.
        God, I pray that you help me to know and do your will where you have put me. I pray that I might be of use to you.
Joy

Begin forwarded message:

From: C Brady <usefulstringband@earthlink.net>
Date: Wed Mar 3, 2004 11:50:10 AM US/Eastern
To: Joyis1NChrst@aol.com
Cc: fortydaysofpurpose@usefulstringband.com
Subject: Re: PDL-Day 31

On Wednesday, March 3, 2004, at 11:35 AM, Joyis1NChrst@aol.com wrote:

I can budget well enough to live below the poverty level.

Thanks for uncovering that one!
I've been there. And currently l'm living at half my former income with many more times the comfort.
Love,
Cathy

Begin forwarded message:

On Wednesday, March 3, 2004, at 11:35 AM, Joyis1NChrst@aol.com wrote:

I can budget well enough to live below the poverty level.

Thanks for uncovering that one!
I've been there. And currently l'm living at half my former income with many more times the comfort.
Love,
Cathy

To: usefulstringband@earthlink.net
Subject: Re: Day 32 - the seventh CD out of 8

In a message dated 03/02/2004 10:23:32 PM Eastern Standard Time, usefulstringband@earthlink.net writes:

passing thought: I like to work alone, but I like to cooperate more
than compete.

I thought the very same thing as I read that section. I can't decide if it is an inconsistency or a consistency.

But I'm not sure I understand what you mean by "At first I thought this chapter was preaching to my choir," Does that mean you agree with what was said and that he was stating your thoughts or that he was saying the same old stuff that many have said before?

WSC

----------------------------

From: C Brady <usefulstringband@earthlink.net>
Date: Thu Mar 4, 2004 7:19:19 AM US/Eastern
To: fortydaysofpurpose@usefulstringband.com
Subject: Day 33 - faithful servant

Matthew 10
42And if you give even a cup of cold water to one of the least of my followers, you will surely be rewarded."

Which of the five characteristics of a real servant offers the greatest challenge to me?

This whole chapter had me hanging my head. It also had me remembering the example of people in my church. We have so many people who serve in humility and I'm grateful to have seen their example.
My biggest challenge is characteristic number 5. Being dependable and faithful.
"you had better stay put until He... moves you"
One of the blessings in being the only one doing the ESL class is that it's pretty difficult to cop out.

Cathy

1. make themselves available - ready to jump when called on, unentangled
my agenda for the day is to do God's will.
2. pay attention to needs - seize moment to meet need
do all the good you can by all the means you can....
3. do their best with what they have ... don't wait for perfect conditions
less than perfect is always better than good intentions
4. do every task with equal dedication, we are not exempt from the mundane
5. faithful to their ministry , finish the task, dependable
-
From: C Brady <usefulstringband@earthlink.net>
Date: Thu Mar 4, 2004 12:53:49 PM US/Eastern
To: fortydaysofpurpose@usefulstringband.com
Subject: Re: Day 32 - the seventh CD out of 8

On Wednesday, March 3, 2004, at 04:18 PM, ImmanuelSBYMD@cs.com wrote:

In a message dated 03/02/2004 10:23:32 PM Eastern Standard Time, usefulstringband@earthlink.net writes:

passing thought: I like to work alone, but I like to cooperate more
than compete.

I thought the very same thing as I read that section. I can't decide if it is an inconsistency or a consistency.

I like to contribute to a group effort by working by myself?
I want others to succeed, I just don't want to work with them?

Stating my thoughts.

So nice to see some discussion. May I pass this on to the mail list?
Cathy
-------------------------------------
From: C Brady <usefulstringband@earthlink.net>
Date: Fri Mar 5, 2004 4:25:15 PM US/Eastern
To: fortydaysofpurpose@usefulstringband.com
Subject: Day 34 - the attitude of service

Philippians 2
Imitating Christ's Humility

1If you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any fellowship with the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, 2then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose. 3Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. 4Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.
5Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus:
    6Who, being in very nature[1] God,
       did not consider equality with God something to be grasped,
    7but made himself nothing,
       taking the very nature[2] of a servant,
       being made in human likeness.

Your attitude Phil 2:5

The Bible Gateway has good commentary on this chapter of Philippians at
http://www.biblegateway.com/cgi-bin/webcommentary?language=english&version=niv&book=phil&chapter=2

Am I usually more concerned about being served or finding ways to serve others?
A good question for me today when I have an aching jaw, am at work for the 19th straight day, and have a big case of the poor me's.

Small group today was lively as usual and it was so good to hear people tell about their ministries with joy and passion. I am so blessed to have joined the group that I'm in. These are all people that I have never known very well, and what a treasure I've stumbled upon!!
Marge has her hands full just keeping us on track. I think we trust her enough to do this, so we go off on all sorts of wonderful tacks and then she reins us in and marches us forward in our discussion.
We are having a hard time thinking of something we can do together at the end of the six weeks. Nobody really has time to add another get together ... we all have active ministries already!
Mary described what she's doing at the Anchorage nursing home and it sounds brave, individual, and trusting in the spirit. I suggested that we all visit each other's ministries, not obligate ourselves or mold ourselves into someone else's ministry, but just see what the others are doing and get a taste of it. We're looking forward to the ministries fair coming up.

Dear sisters and brothers, I'm asking for prayers for my coming day... that I utilize the strength that God provides to do the work I need to do, and can get to Berlin to support the Overeaters Anonymous meeting, and can rest up for ESL and church on the weekend.
My grandson wants to come to church with me (he was sick last week and I had the big toothache). It's amazing how energetic i can get when he wants to go to church!

Notes: I've been listening to the CD that Jack bought rather than reading. I'm an auditory learner, and have read the book once thru quickly, so it's nice to have it on CD. I recommend it to other auditory learner folks.

Numbers 14:24
Phil 2:5

Service starts in your mind
Attitudes
1. think more about others, self-forgetful, losing your life, self denial
Timothy only example Paul had
Manipulation or ministry?
How do you react when you are treated like a servant
2. think like stewards, not owners
all your time belongs to God
3. think about their work, not the work of others
we're on the same team
we want to make GOD look good, not ourselves
we are all different
Martha complaining about Mary lost her servant's heart
4. Servants base their identity in Christ
secure self-image
5. think of ministry as an opportunity, not an obligation.
Serve the Lord with gladness.

Henri Nouen was quoted in item 4. His last book before his death was called "Adam" and told of his experiences and growth in a L'Arc community and how he served a profoundly retarded man. Another good book by HN is his meditation on the Rembrandt painting of the Prodigal Son. HN was one of the first Christian authors I enjoyed after I became a Christian.

Your servant in Christ,
Cathy

From: HARRISOBXROCKS@aol.com
Date: Fri Mar 5, 2004 10:49:36 PM US/Eastern
To: fortydaysofpurpose@usefulstringband.com
Subject: Day 34 Thinking like a servant

Thinking like a servant.
This chapter really gets to the heart of what it means to be a Christian, Christ-like. Many scriptures tell us about Jesus, as servant. (Acts 3:26, 1 Peter 2:21)
Today I had the opportunely to be a servant. I did not act upon it.
The person involved may not have wanted the help or interference or embarrassed by my offer of help. There are others who's responsibility it is to care for her.
Excuses? Maybe, any way, by the grace of God, I shall have the chance to help my friend. I will talk with her tomorrow.
Albert Schweitzer is right, "The only really happy people are those who have learned how to serve."
In Christ's love,
June

From: Joyis1NChrst@aol.com
Date: Fri Mar 12, 2004 2:59:28 AM US/Eastern
To: usefulstringband@earthlink.net
Subject: Re: Day 34 - the attitude of service

you are going to Berlin (as in Germany?) to support and OA meeting? Wow!

I like Henri Nouwen's "The Wounded Healer" and have recently joined an online site called, the wounded healer journal (twhj.com). It was originally started for therapists who themselves had trauma survivor issues but is now open to all trauma survivors. I just was so struck by an image in the book of a bandaged man sitting by the city gate laying his leporous hands on others to heal them! I identify so much.

Later,
Joy

---------------------------

From: C Brady <usefulstringband@earthlink.net>
Date: Sat Mar 6, 2004 1:03:14 PM US/Eastern
To: fortydaysofpurpose@usefulstringband.com
Subject: Day 35

Am I limiting God's power in my life by trying to hide my weaknesses? What do I need to be honest about in order to help others?

Generally I'm pretty open about my weaknesses. People don't tend to believe me when I tell them I'm shy.

I think I always need to be honest about my low stamina, and realistic in my promises to others. Too frequently I let people down.

Today I had a dental emergency of sorts. I say "of sorts" because the dentist, who opened his office just to see me, isn't sure what the problem is. I had to cancel ESL and citizenship which saddens me. I will have to trust that God had other plans for somebody this afternoon.

God's power in your weakness
2 cor 13: 3since you are demanding proof that Christ is speaking through me. He is not weak in dealing with you, but is powerful among you. 4For to be sure, he was crucified in weakness, yet he lives by God's power. Likewise, we are weak in him, yet by God's power we will live with him to serve you.

2 cor 12:7To keep me from becoming conceited because of these surpassingly great revelations, there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. 8Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. 9But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. 10That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

deny, hide, excuse, defend

to shame the powerful
poor in spirit
thorn - inherited
clay jars to store treasure

know who God is and know who I am

be content with your weaknesses
cause us to depend on God
prevent arrogance
encourage fellowship between believers
increase our capacity for sympathy in ministry

honestly share your weaknesses
feelings, frustrations, fears
vulnerability is emotionally liberating, endearing
our weaknesses create community

glory in your weaknesses
see yourself as a trophy of grace

That's it for today. I can't drive because of the medication I'm taking, but I still hope to make it to church, thanks to mi consquegra Julia.
Love,
Cathy

From: Joyis1NChrst@aol.com
Date: Thu Mar 11, 2004 12:07:23 PM US/Eastern
To: fortydaysofpurpose@usefulstringband.com
Subject: PDL Day 35

I would like to stay on this list.

Day 35

Am I limiting God's power in my life by trying to hide my weaknesses? What do I need to be honest about in order to help others?

In one sense I think I am too vulnerable and often hurt the littles inside by forcing them to admit and do things. On the other hand by forcing them, instead of being vulnerable, I am actually putting on a tough exterior and go home having panic attacks and wanting to or actually engaging in some sort of self-destructive acts and self-hate afterwards.

I confess later in 12-step meetings but in church I keep it all hidden. I don't see anyone else in church admitting such things. Pastor even insisted on keeping my recent psychiatric hospitalization secret. During the struggles for weeks after I did not come to church except when I was doing okay enough to cover. My reasoning is that I am the chair of the Board of Evangelism and Outreach and plan to provide counseling at the church so I can't be known as crazy or people would have no confidence in coming to me or trusting me. But I do have a mental illness so where does that leave me?

God, one of my weaknesses is to forget what I write, pray, say or do right after I do it! I need to talk to pastor about this concept of vulnerability and how it applies. I am not sure that he was only protecting me while I was in the hospital; he may have been protecting the congregation from me as well. I need to ask. He does not easily admit weakness in himself and pushes himself to the limit.

God, I know in my support groups when I have admitted my weaknesses, fears and failings is when the most people have come to me seeking more, even wanting to know about YOU! This is one of the reasons I'd like to start testimony nights at church.

Help me, Lord, to admit my weakness, failure, and God have mercy, my shame. Use me for your glory and the advancing of your kingdom. In Jesus' name, Amen

--------------------------------------------
From: C Brady <usefulstringband@earthlink.net>
Date: Sun Mar 7, 2004 11:06:36 PM US/Eastern
To: fortydaysofpurpose@usefulstringband.com
Subject: Day 36 purpose 5

stupid joke warning:

re the term "sending". When I was leaving Annapolis, Heritage Baptist church gave me " a sending". I went forward and knelt at the altar and everyone came up and laid hands on me. With my bad knees and all those hands, I had the thought that I couldn't possible be "ascending" because everybody was holding me down!

What He did in His physical body we the church are to be doing now.
speaking, healing, baptizing, teaching, dying,
introducing people to God

What keeps me from telling others?

An unspoken social agreement that the topic of salvation is out of bounds.
My ignorance of how important salvation is for the people in my life.
The "good things" that get in the way of doing the "best thing".

From: Joyis1NChrst@aol.com
Date: Fri Mar 12, 2004 3:24:11 PM US/Eastern
To: fortydaysofpurpose@usefulstringband.com
Subject: PDL Day 36

What fears have kept me from fulfilling the mission God made me to accomplish? What keeps me from telling others the Good News?

The same fears I've talked about before: my own shame and insecurity. I don't want to talk to someone about Jesus when they know how bad my life is. BUT...

I have mostly learned that it is not my responsibility to make God look good. God IS good. No matter how difficult my life has been since I came to know Jesus, God is good!!! He loves me and He loves all of us.

It is funny as I think of all that I've written in this journal. I am not ashamed of the gospel. I speak boldly about Jesus to all my OA friends and aquaintences who are seeking a spiritual awakening to free themselves from the bondage to food. Even though I have fallen back into food again and again I don't try and hide that to make Jesus look like a superior higher power. He IS THE Higher Power!!!

I also speak freely about Jesus to shopkeepers, auto mechanics and people in line at the food bank, etc. It is my brothers and sisters in front of whom I am ashamed. I still think they don't sin and fall and stumble like me. I try to hide my insecurity & hide my frequent bouts of self-loathing.

So I have had less difficulty finding my mission than my ministry. Could my ministry to the church be a counseling mission to the community? It begins to look that way.

I found out last night that my pastor has started this study and is on day 7. He says he has disagreements w Rick Warren's reform theology. I have found it to be mostly okay--Warren doesn't give a lot of gospel encouragement to find strength to do God's work and calling and thus he could be thought to be more law oriented. He is also wrong somewhat on Baptism...he gets it on the community level but misses that it is something profound that God does for me, not just something I do in obedience. Still I believe the study will be and I hope it is a blessing to my pastor.

I think I want pastor to read my journal. Lord, show me whether that is your will.

----------------------------------
From: C Brady <usefulstringband@earthlink.net>
Date: Mon Mar 8, 2004 1:53:03 PM US/Eastern
To: fortydaysofpurpose@usefulstringband.com
Subject: Fwd: Now Online @ SmallGroups.com

Some small group ideas below:
Cathy

Begin forwarded message:

From: Small Group Network admin <dlentz@smallgroups.com>
Date: Mon Mar 8, 2004 12:55:39 PM US/Eastern
To: Cathlene Brady <usefulstringband@earthlink.net>
Subject: Now Online @ SmallGroups.com

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Small Group Dynamics e-Magazine-March 2004 @ www.SmallGroups.com
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Do the Math! Is it Multiplication or Addition? ñ Can Multiplying Ministry Really Become the Norm in Small Groups?
http://www.smallgroups.com/secure/dynamics/032004news/toc.shtml

Small Group Ministry has been idealized as a multiplying ministry--one where leaders and groups are multiplied from generation to generation of group cycles (2 Tim. 2:2). Reality, however, indicates that while the number of small groups in churches is growing, the increase may still be a result of addition strategies rather than true leader and group multiplication. The question that still remains: What are the key characteristics of a multiplying small group and is it more important to focus on multiplication or addition when it comes to growing small groups? Thatís the focus of this monthís Small Group Dynamics ezine! Read more at: http://www.smallgroups.com/secure/dynamics/032004news/toc.shtml

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
NEW @ WWW.SMALLGROUPS.COM
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Small Group discussion guides for Mel Gibson's ìThe Passion of The Christî movie are now available--some with free downloadable lessons/sermons from www.SermonCentral.com. To take advantage of this a highly unique evangelistic opportunity for your small group, click here to learn more, download sample chapters, and order. http://www.outreachmarketing.com/print/html_promo_pages/passion3/studyguides04.asp

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Thereís plenty of quality small group leadership training events happening this Winter and Spring in a region near you. See SmallGroups.comís Training Calendar for the latest information on training events near you.
http://smallgroups.com/calendar/Training_Calendar/

If you are sponsoring an open registration small group leadership training event in 2004, consider adding it to our Training Calendar.
http://smallgroups.com/secure/calendar/add.cgi

One such upcoming training event is:
SMALL GROUPS FOR THE PURPOSE DRIVEN CHURCH
Thursday, April 22, 2004, Westside Family Church, Shawnee, KS

In this one-day seminar you'll learn a blueprint for building small groups around God's five eternal purposes of worship, fellowship, discipleship, ministry, and evangelism. You'll learn techniques pioneered by Saddleback Church in Lake Forest, California, and used by Westside Family Church to dramatically increase the number of small groups from 25 to more than 120 in the last two years.

The conference leaders include Lance Witt, Pastor of Discipleship, Teaching, and Small Groups at Saddleback Church, and Matt Adams, Pastor of Discipleship and Small Groups at Westside Family Church. For more information or to register, visit www.westsidegroups.com or call Westside Family Church at 913-422-8257.

Growing with You,

Dan Lentz
Director
www.SmallGroups.com
dlentz@smallgroups.com

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
This message was sent to you by a Small Group Network (SGN) administrator.
If you wish to contact a SGN administrator, simply reply to this email.

2] ; do not be frightened."[3] 15But in your hearts set apart Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect,

As i reflect on my personal story, who does God want me to share it with?

Who do I love?

groups of people I have a heart for:
Immigrants and visitors from other countries
retarded people
alcoholics

This chapter is going to take me a lot longer than I have spent on other chapters. There is a lot of writing to be done.

testimony - story of how Christ has made a difference in your life ... tell others of the night and day differences He made in you, witness.
write it out

what my life was like before I met Jesus
Tolerable, but usually in a state of financial and employment emergency. Fearful - stagefright, some agoraphobia, unnamed anxieties. Codependent relationships - a string of them - with alcoholic or gay men (and relationships that could have been healthy were marred my my always talking about the unhealthy ones) I believed that there was a God that loved me, but I had no idea of what God wanted of me. I felt that I was a victim of my family history and by professional jealousies.

how I realized I needed Jesus
There were a chain of events that brought me to rekindle a friendship with a retarded man and to become his advocate and at the same time I was attending Baptist Sunday school while my clients were attending their "exceptional learner" Sunday school. Then I lost two jobs and was looking for work. I started attending a daytime Bible study because I had the time. An alcoholic man I was obsessed with and who usually treated me quite shabbily, was interested in Christianity. He asked people questions, I listened to their answers. He also was encouraging me to play guitar and sing. Someone had given me a small NIV new testament with the psalms and I had a favorite two psalms. I believe that I

From: Joyis1NChrst@aol.com
Date: Sat Mar 13, 2004 12:17:58 PM US/Eastern
To: fortydaysofpurpose@usefulstringband.com
Subject: PDL Day 37

As I reflect on my personal story, who would God want me to share it with?

Anyone to whom any part of it seems appropriate. My unsaved friends and acquaintences hear parts of it and some have heard it all (or as much of all as possible). Please pray for my friend, Ruth, who has heard more of my story than any other person than my therapist and to whom I have directly shared the gospel asking for a committment from her only to have her tearfully tell me that for my sake she would like to say yes, but she just can't accept that Jesus is divine!

God has called me often to share my story in OA. If I am asked to speak I never say, "No" and I always talk about my higher power, Jesus.

God has called me often to tell my testimony to newcomers who call for help getting started in OA. I always tell them that I do not represent OA and that OA is not a Christian group but did come from a Christian revival movement and that I am a Christian. I tell them why and how. This gives me great joy.

I've told my story on a couple of websites. I hope we start testimony night at church not only so I can tell my story but so I will have the pleasure and encouragement of hearing those of my fellow saints.

I am writing my story in book form and I hope to publish it. Lately I have been considering writing it into a television series. Am I grandiose?

I have been carried through much by the Lord. I have been rescued from much by the Lord. I have been forgiven much by the Lord. I have been given much by the Lord. And the word, much, doesn't really begin to cover any of it:

childhood physical, mental and sexual toture
acute hepatitis
chronic strep
9 surgeries
teenage slavery
drug and alcohol addiction
driving intoxicated
3 car accidents
food addiction--anorexia, bulimia, binge eating disorder, morbid obesity
chronic mental illness w multiple hospitalizations some of which included retraumatization and abuse
cigarette addiction
cancer
marital separation
spousal abuse
poly cystic ovarian syndrome--hairy faced woman, infertility, comprehensive metabolic malfunction
major depression
8 suicide attempts--4xs on life support
extreme poverty
being well-to-do
spouse's major depression and addictions
mockery by friends and family for being fat and for being a Christian
theivery--on my part and to me
accosted by men on the street
chronic pain
lieing
hatred
resentment
judging
fear--terror--panic--lack of faith
faithlessness
bliss
damned hope
new cars
warm apartments
fuzzy kitties
loyal doggies
dear friends
deep debt
beautiful clothes
helpful medical personnell
good jobs
great education
fellowship
long marriage
good books and time and ability to read them
rape
death of friends and family by accident, cancer, suicide, and old age
many many multiple deaths of pets
parental murder of pet
moving over 50 times in 48 years
traveling to foreign countries
traveling throughout the US
listening-hearing-being priviliged by other people's stories
courage to pursue justice--victories
leading people to Christ
praying for and with people
encouraging people
arguements
self-righteousness
rage
patience
true joy that abides in deepest sorrow

I could go on and on and that is why I know I need to write it all out in narrative form.

God motivate me daily-bring it to mind and give me energy and time. Thank you so much dear Pappa Goddy--you amaze me. I am so blessed to be loved by you. Grant me grace to love others with your love. In Jesus, with Jesus, through Jesus, I ask. Amen from Joy.

----------------------

From: Joyis1NChrst@aol.com
Date: Sun Mar 14, 2004 11:01:37 PM US/Eastern
To: fortydaysofpurpose@usefulstringband.com
Subject: PDL Day 38

What steps could I take to prepare to go on a short-term mission experience in the next year?

Just the word experience kind of jolts me. Do we go on missions for experience? I don't think Rick Warren would say that is why, he seems to agree w the word that we should go to spread the gospel. And why only short-term? Does Rick Warren know that most of his readers will balk at this one so he wants to make it sound easy and fun?

I haven't a clue what steps I should take. I feel overwhelmed by the idea. I don't belong to a congregation that directly supports any particular missionaries or mission field. My denomination is not very active in the world either. We tend to be small and close.

Nevertheless I have had the privilege of going on two short mission trips to Mexico. I was translator for one group and taught Bible stories to children on another trip. I have corresponded with two missionary couples over the years (one in Nigeria and one in Cote de Voire').

I have saved my "mites" for years to go into the fund for mission projects for the LWML. Once I dedicated all pennies, nickels and found money to the Lord over and above my tithe, I started finding money everywhere! Thank you for that pleasure, Lord. It just goes to show that God provides whatever He asks me to give or do. I would do well to remember that--help me remember, Lord. Lord that seems to be my biggest problem. I forget what I even write or think or read in these devotions. Remind me, Lord.

I once believed God was going to send my husband and I to Russia. We began learning Russian (my husband had a jump on me having been a candidate for the priesthood in the Byzantine Rite of the Catholic Church). But no opportunity came along. I once got ecited about teaching English in China but not for long.

I have a somewhat shameful medical problem that prevents me from going where I would sleep with or share a bathroom w other ppl. I also have two other medical conditions that require that I eat certain foods at very regular intervals.

Sooooo...are these just excuses? I have prayed about where God has called me to work to spread the gospel and I believe it is clear that I am called to minister to the disaffected seekers right here.

I am on Social Security disability and therefore could not pay my own way to a mission field. I thought when I started my counseling business that I would make money so I could get off SS and not only support myself so others wouldn't hove to but also be able to be a Kingdom Builder and give and give to God's work.

I have learned that I know nothing. I do not know what is best for the Kingdom or for me. Right now I can only make it one day at a time.

Lord if it is your will that I should go please provide a trip with privacy and regular safe food so that I can go and do work even if I don't have the money. Maybe I could go as a mental health counselor to a war-torn country or country in political or economic turmoil? Maybe I could teach English. Lord help me remember to call the Board of Missions. There is no point in my going if I cause more trouble than I do bring help.

In your mercy, Jesus,

Joy
From: C Brady <usefulstringband@earthlink.net>
Date: Mon Mar 15, 2004 1:01:05 PM US/Eastern
To: fortydaysofpurpose@usefulstringband.com
Subject: Re: PDL Day 38

On Sunday, March 14, 2004, at 11:01 PM, Joyis1NChrst@aol.com wrote:
And why only short-term? Does Rick Warren know that most of his readers will balk at this one so he wants to make it sound easy and fun?

Seems to me he wants to suggest something that is do-able.

If there is no other fruit from my enthusiasm about the possibility that God wants me in Mexico, it led me to a mission's web site that I can fix.

I am truly enjoying the trust this study has helped me build.

The greatest benefit has been the fellowship I have enjoyed. Because that is not my usual experience.

¡Dios te bendiga!
Cathy

----------------------------------
From: C Brady <usefulstringband@earthlink.net>
Date: Wed Mar 10, 2004 4:19:19 PM US/Eastern
To: fortydaysofpurpose@usefulstringband.com
Subject:day 39

Ephesians 5:15...
15Be very careful, then, how you live--not as unwise but as wise, 16making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil. 17Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the Lord's will is. 18Do not get drunk on wine, which leads to debauchery. Instead, be filled with the Spirit. 19Speak to one another with psalms, hymns and spiritual songs. Sing and make music in your heart to the Lord, 20always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.
21Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.

Which of the four activities will I begin in order to stay on track and balance God's five purposes for my life?

None of today's chapter is news to me, for a change. I've started with them all. This mail list was an activity towards that end. Saddleback church certainly wasn't the first to use Christ's life as a model for balance and purpose in being a member of the body. Renovaré and 12 step programs are my own background. So like I said yesterday - I don't need another coat. I put on the new one when I was reborn in Christ and now I just need to adjust my fit, one day at a time.

Joann has so kindly thought of letting me "advertise" for a Renovaré spiritual formation group at her discipleship table at the Ministries Fair we're having at Immanuel Baptist Church on March 21 . Today's topic on balance makes me think of Renovaré's 6 streams of Christian tradition.
http://www.renovare.org/

notes:

1. join a small group for accountability
2. give yourself a regular spiritual checkup
3. write down your progress in a journal - record of life lessons you don't want to forget
4. pass on what we have learned to others

-----------------

From: C Brady <usefulstringband@earthlink.net>
Date: Wed Mar 10, 2004 10:49:14 PM US/Eastern
To: "Roland L. Rose" <rrosemex@chiapas.net>
Cc: fortydaysofpurpose@usefulstringband.com
Subject: Re: News of the Rose family - 2/2004

Tomorrow is day 40 of Immanuel Baptist's Purpose Driven life study and this week I was moved to consider a short term mission in another land as suggested by the author of the book. For the past few days Mexico was in my heart.

My Spanish has gone unused and rusty since I played guitar for a few months with the Immanuel Iglesia Bautista and I'm not a quick learner. But I am a superb tutor, if I do say so myself. I've kept my skills honed as a home/hospital teacher for the Wicomico Board of Ed.

So imagine my feelings as I opened the email message and saw the following big letters.

On Wednesday, March 10, 2004, at 10:03 PM, Roland L. Rose wrote:

Tecate Mission

Do you have a use for me for a week or so in the coming year?

Today's Sunday School question was something along the lines of "what excuses do you make when God asks you to do something?"

Well, I hate to travel, I don't like the heat, I'm very overweight, I don't have any money yet, I'm already traveling to Colorado (for a Renovaré retreat) this summer, I don't know where Chiapas is, and Finland is just too far away.

However, I saw these big blue letters when I was asking for direction and I think I'd better inquire.

You can see my resume at my website at http://www.usefulstringband.com/index.html

Dios te bendiga,
Cathy

From: HARRISOBXROCKS@aol.com
Date: Wed Mar 10, 2004 10:44:24 PM US/Eastern
To: usefulstringband@earthlink.net
Subject: Day 39

Balancing your live.

It's all for God's glory sums up the 39th day very well.
In the prayer Jesus prayed for his Disciples in John 17, he was preparing his disciples to live for God's purpose. This prayer is for me also.
Jesus helped them know God - Worship
He taught them to love each other - Fellowship
He taught them the Word - Discipleship
Sent them out to tell others - Missions
This outline for the PDL is for me too.
Jesus molded the purpose griven live. I am also to model the Christian life to others.Of the 4 activities for a purpose driven living, I think number 4 (pass on what you know to others) is the one I need to work on. I need to put lessons learned in the book into action. I have become too comfortable in in my present state. I'll find new opportunties to worship, work, and witness.
I'm sorry to see this study end. It has been quiet an adventure!!
Because of Christ,
June

From: Joyis1NChrst@aol.com
Date: Mon Mar 15, 2004 11:45:38 AM US/Eastern
To: fortydaysofpurpose@usefulstringband.com
Subject: PSL-Day 39

Which of the 4 activities will I use to stay on track and balance God's five purposes in my life?

Expression: I will give this completed journal to pastor and/or daily share with my friend as she catches up.
I will keep seeing my Christian therapist and talking.
I will keep going to my 12-step meetings and talking.
Lord, I still need a small Christian group--with a main member in relapse and me now long distance, the Christian compulsive eaters phone meeting has died. Show me where to go next and please make it soon. Thanks, Joy

Evaluation: I just arranged w another friend to do a 10th step every night by email. Help me to remember to do it.
Lord, help me remember to send for Rick Warren's check-up guide.

Reflection: Thank-you for this journal. Thank you for the habit of journaling. Improve mine and show me the next guide you want me to use. Do I go back and finish the Experiencing God appendix? I would like that, God. I imagine in the next 12 days I won't get much journaling done as I will be packing. So help me be more faithful in the other 3 activities. Especially, Lord, help my memory. Rick Warren says we remember what we record. I feel like I've forgotten more than half of this journal already.
Have mercy and help me serve you no matter what. Even if I can't remember everything. Love, Joy

------------------------
From: C Brady <usefulstringband@earthlink.net>
Date: Fri Mar 12, 2004 9:44:00 AM US/Eastern
To: fortydaysofpurpose@usefulstringband.com
Subject: Day 40 finish line

Oh I was so faithful and sometimes even using the Jewish calendar (sunset to sunset), but here is the last chapter and I'm late! Except for those who asked to stick around, so long everybody.

When will I put my purpose on paper?

What I hope to do is spend a little time each day adding to the outline in my notes below. The nice thing about computers is that I can cut and paste inserts each day.

Since Warren says it will take time to write the life purpose statement, I'll continue working on it here for a while.

Wouldn't it be wonderful if everybody who bought this best seller actually read it? Wouldn't it be wonderful if everybody who read this book actually reflected on the questions and recorded their answer? Wouldn't it be wonderful if everybody found actual transformation in this experience?

I think on this for a moment and then remember that what other people do is not my motivation or momentum. This is between me and my Center - God the Father, Son and Holy Spirit. And I pray that I will continually transform in this spiritual walk to my heavenly home.

Love to all my brothers and sisters in Christ,
Cathy

Dear God, Thank you for giving me the opportunities mentioned in the book and put into action with some of our forty days of purpose activities.

notes:

You will be blessed only if you are DOING them.
You will have to stop doing some things.
life purpose statement:
Summarizes God's purposes for your life
Points your direction in life - spells out what you will do with life, time, money and what you aren't going to do.
Statement that defines success
Statement that clarifies your roles
Expresses your shape

What will be the center of my life? (worship)
What will be the character of my life? (list character qualities)(discipleship)
What will be the contribution of my life? (service)
What will be the communication of my life? (mission,) life lessons, passions, target group,
What will be the community of my life? (fellowship) include expression of love for God's church

summarize in a slogan or short statement

From: Joyis1NChrst@aol.com
Date: Tue Mar 16, 2004 1:00:54 AM US/Eastern
To: fortydaysofpurpose@usefulstringband.com
Subject: PDL-Day 40

It is nearly 10 pm and I am unexpectedly flying to Florida (I live in WA) for a funeral at 6:30 am. I will not be able to do DAy 40 with you as I will not be back until Friday night. If this list still exists and anybody is still here I will post on Saturday. Sorry about this.

Please pray for me. I just found out the funeral is in a huge gay church! I don't know what my attitude should be. I don't think I can worship publically so I won't kneel or bow or that sort of thing I guess. I wish I could talk to my pastor.

Wow, I feel better. I just called my pastor and he said, "What's the problem?" LOL. He reminded me that many gays believe in Jesus. I knew that. I guess I was afraid my pastor would tell me not to go and I knew I would go so I was feeling anxious.

Anyway, bye
Joy
------------------------------------------------------------------

From: C Brady <usefulstringband@earthlink.net>
Date: Mon Mar 15, 2004 1:46:59 PM US/Eastern
To: fortydaysofpurpose@usefulstringband.com
Subject: More Life purpose statement (in progress)

On Friday, March 12, 2004, at 09:54 AM, C Brady wrote:

I carry a card in my purse that I got from Renovaré. It contains the "Renovaré covenant." This seems to be a good start for a short version of a Purpose statement.

In utter dependence upon Jesus Christ
as my everliving Savior, Teacher, Lord, and Friend,
I will seek continual renewal through:
ï Spiritual exercises,
ï Spiritual gifts, and
ï Acts of service.

notes:
You will be blessed only if you are DOING them.
You will have to stop doing some things.
life purpose statement:
Summarizes God's purposes for your life
Points your direction in life - spells out what you will do with life, time, money and what you aren't going to do.
Statement that defines success
Statement that clarifies your roles
Expresses your shape

What will be the center of my life? (worship)
God the Father.
"In utter dependence"... All my trust in the one True God.
What will be the character of my life? (list character qualities)(discipleship)
God the Son.
Humility, service
What will be the contribution of my life? (service)
education, music, advocating for the less articulate (articulating?),
whatever presents itself at the time? Mi hermana Julia seems to do this and to be honest, I haven't always been glad about it. But she comes to mind every time I read about a heart for service. (She has a hyperactive heart for service. Mine is more sedentary!)
What will be the communication of my life? (mission,)
life lessons,
God the Holy Spirit
- the beneficial spirit of a thing is more important than the thing itself
passions, - the "outliers", including others in service and importance
target group, - the "outliers"
What will be the community of my life? (fellowship) include expression of love for God's church
What joy I felt with my Immanuel Baptist family yesterday. What a web of support we have. Isabel went forward yesterday to join our church. I think of how faithfully Amy brought Isabel's grandson Tevin to VBS and Sunday school and what a "wise" little guy he is, and how my son and his wife welcomed Tevin's brother to their home, and all the little things our church family did to let Isabel know she was welcome and didn't have to sit on the sidelines.
And how sweet our ushers are ... one guy was rubbing babies' heads as he walked up the aisle. It's neat to see how different folks take others under their wing. Anthony joined yesterday too ... He's a sixth "Burton", and how we have welcomed him into our whole church family.

I rave about our youth group often. I knew some of the kids in school before they started coming and I know how important our church family is to them, and how it has such a positive impact on our lives (It's a tough world out there!!). How wonderful that we love them so and watch them receive that love. And I know that this is a tradition that has been passed down in generations.

So I am home and will strive to know the great variety of people and cultures and stories that are contained in my church family. I suspect that our pastor and wife have been enjoying this for all the 25 years he has been with us. I hope it's worth the grief they have also certainly had.

summarize in a slogan or short statement

1	2	3	4	5	6	7	8
9	10	11	12	13	14	15	16
17	18	19	20	21	22	23	24
25	26	27	28	29	30	31	32
33	34	35	36	37	38	39	40

1	2	3	4	5	6	7	8
9	10	11	12	13	14	15	16
17	18	19	20	21	22	23	24
25	26	27	28	29	30	31	32
33	34	35	36	37	38	39	40

1	2	3	4	5	6	7	8
9	10	11	12	13	14	15	16
17	18	19	20	21	22	23	24
25	26	27	28	29	30	31	32
33	34	35	36	37	38	39	40